I used to be a normal good every day wholesome girl. Until that night when I was raped. Now, I’m a dirty girl who craves violence and rape.
I was walking home from dance glass, it was dark outside because I had to stay back a little later than normal to finish off our routine, we had a big show to do at school in a few weeks.
Hi, I’m Sara and I’m 12, I was 11 when it happened the first time.
I walked with my friend until we got near her house, then we said goodbye and she ran home, I was left to walk to half mile home by myself, I followed the road where all the street lights are and passing traffic can see me, you know to feel safer knowing other people are around.
Then I got near the shops near home, the shops were closed, most of the street lights were out due to vandalism and there wasn’t anyone around, it was a stupid thing to do but it was late and I was tired from dancing all night, so I decided just to go ahead and walk by the shops because it was the shortest way home.
I came around the corner after being spooked by a meowing cat sitting on a window ledge, then someone grabbed me, a tall boy wearing a hoody and face covering, he pinned me against the wall with his hand over my mouth and he put a knife near my face, “If you scream I’ll kill you.” He growled at me.
Then he dragged me around to the back of the shops out of sight and pushed me to the floor by the smelly bins and he sat on my legs, I was so scared I couldn’t move, he grabbed my bag and tossed it aside, then he slowly moved the knife down my face, down my neck, down my chest and then he put the blade underneath my top and slit it open from bottom to top.
He pulled the sides of my split top apart, exposing my naked upper body, I didn’t really have any breasts yet, but it didn’t stop him from touching me there, he used the cut and torn top to fashion a blindfold and tied it around my head, and stuffing the left over fabric in to my mouth so I couldn’t scream.
Then I felt him pull my joggers and panties down and I knew what he was going to do, I felt him push something long and hard between my legs, I felt it go inside my body and it hurt real bad, I screamed but even I could barely hear it with my shirt stuffed in my mouth.
He raped me violently on the cold dirty ground, he laid on top of me biting my neck, and he must have still had the knife in his hand while he held my legs up because it cut my legs a few times.
I couldn’t see his cock but I felt it, I could feel its size and shape as he thrust it into my pussy fast and hard, it probably only lasted a couple of minutes but it felt a lot longer, then I felt him come in me and he pulled his cock out.
My legs dropped to the floor and everything went quiet and stopped.
A few minutes later I got the courage to pull the fabric out of my mouth and remove the blindfold, the boy was gone, leaving me laying on the ground with my clothes shredded, bottoms around my ankles and blood and semen leaking from between my legs.
I crawled up against the wall behind the bins and stayed there for a little while, then I got my bag, which I knew had my school uniform in it and I put it on and made my way home in pain.
When I got to my front door I was ready to run inside to safety and tell my parents what had happened to me, but then I got scared, worried they would blame me, say it was my fault, and if kids at school found out they’d make fun of me and stuff, I didn’t want that, so instead I quickly ran inside and straight up stairs to my room, and I just cleaned myself up and went to sleep.
I had some bruises on my face in the morning, I just told my mom one of the other girls in dance class accidentally kicked me in the face during practice, she believed me and told me to be more careful.
In the nights that followed I started having dreams about what happened, and I’d wake up gasping for breath and covered in sweat, but I quickly realised it was from terror or fear, I was enjoying the dreams of being raped, I was breathing heavily and sweating because I was getting turned on by the dreams.
I started masturbating, fingering myself nightly, and even taking sewing pins and sticking them in to parts of my body just to simulate the pain I felt from that night, because I enjoyed it, I knew it then, I had enjoyed being violently raped and now my body was craving it again.
After spending a week, every night, up by the shops in the dark, hiding across the street from where it happened and hoping to see that hooded boy again hoping he would see me and rape me again, he never showed up.
I gave it one last try, at the weekend I sneaked out of the house near midnight and waited by the shops in the dark, but he never came, as I was walking back home disappointed, I passed a couple of drunk men stumbling towards me, they heckled me, so I teased them by flashing my flat chest at them.
Then I made fun of them, telling them they probably had small cocks and wouldn’t know what to do with them, generally trying to piss them off an get them angry, it worked, one of them slapped me across the face knocking me to the ground, “Fucking little bitch.” He shouted at me.
“Bet you couldn’t fuck me even if you want too. Bet your cocks as big as a pin head.” I said.
That seemed to piss him off and it got me what I wanted, he got on top of me and slapped me again, he pinned me down and tore open my shirt and licked my face and chest, when he kissed me all I could taste was beer and puke.
He pulled my bottoms and panties down while his friend pinned my arms down from the other side, and then he raped me, when he was finished, he switched with his friend and he then raped me, I managed to bite his hand at one point which made him punch me in the face and he broke my eye socket, it was the most painful thing to ever happen to me, but I enjoyed it still.
When he was done he vomited all over me and they both left.
It was only a year ago this happened, and since then I continued to go out purposely looking for trouble, looking for potential rapists because I want to be raped, I want to be beaten, I want to be abused by men.
I need it, I want it, I enjoy it.