No Hands!
#Christian #Denial #Ruined #Teasing
I never touched him, but perhaps I had been a little too hard on my son. I can’t help blaming myself for turning him into the pervert he became, but I had no idea what effect I was having on him.
I don’t want to blame my mother, but I have to say that she was conservative. Baptist, and I considered myself a Christian until these events caused me to lose my faith. I was too afraid of burning in hell, so I started looking for a way out.
That led me to actually consider the stories that I never questioned before. Like Genesis, and the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve, magic trees, talking snakes, and Original Sin. When you’re a child, that’s not any more outlandish, and absurd than say a wolf dressing up as your grandmother, and Little Red Riding Hood not recognizing him.
They’re just stories, told to frighten children, so we don’t do anything dangerous, like go off on our own. It didn’t stop us, but we hesitated, and I was always the good girl. I saw the other girls shoplifting, and I turned a blind eye, but I shared in their ill gotten gains when we got away with it. I didn’t steal anything, but I was an accessory to petty larceny.
After that, I indulged in underage drinking, drunk driving, and premarital sex. I found that alcohol was one of my weaknesses, it lowered my inhibitions, and made it easier not to say “No.” I scared myself, so I quit drinking before I became an alcoholic, but that was my first gateway to sin. Finally, my friends had to pull me down off a table at a party, in my underwear, before I got naked, and probably gangbanged by frat boys in a back room. They were already circling around me, waiting to pounce, so I got help, and counciling.
I didn’t want to be that girl. A drunkard, a harlot, and another statistic on teenage pregnancy, from an unknown father. So, I was born again, met a nice man in the Youth Ministry, and we got married in the same church. We had sex, and turned off the lights for a few years, but I wanted to see my husband naked. Red in the face, and standing up proudly erect before he joined me in bed to make love to me. He made me a mother, and things calmed down for a few years, until I started noticing things about my son.
My eldest, he was always a momma’s boy, and I mean that in the best possible way. Not in any incestuous way, nor the way that bullies called him that, to imply that he was some sort of sissy. Far from it, he was into sports, athletic, and when he was in junior high school, he started changing into a young man. I still had no sexual feelings for him, he was my son, and I was happily married.
However, our love life had gotten into a routine. Not so much as a chore, but we had to wait for my husband’s days off, so it had started to be expected. On a schedule, while the children were in school, so the holidays. I busied myself being a housewife, and mother. Still, it was just a distraction, because the kids were out of school for 2 whole weeks, and we never got a chance to be intimate, alone together.
My needs weren’t being met, and I never learned to masturbate. Myself, I’d caught my husband masturbating and gave him a hand. I enjoyed that, giving him pleasure while he fondled my breasts for a quickie when we couldn’t do it properly. He had his tubes tied, but his barren seed still came out as hot as ever, if not with as much gusto.
I’d never had oral sex with him, neither giving nor receiving. He had blowjob pornography. He never asked me to put it in my mouth, and honestly I can’t be sure if I would. Of course, I’d been with other men, mostly strangers, but on the wagon he couldn’t even get me drunk to convince me. I know it’s boring, but that’s why I’m telling you all this.
I was boring, and probably more ignorant about sex than you would believe of a wife, and mother my age. (Don’t even ask.) I’d never caught my son masturbating, I’ll call him Junior for simplicity, even though he didn’t take his father’s name. I wasn’t snooping around, I just went in to collect the laundry, and change his sheets.
That’s when I found it, a wad of wrinkles held together with a dried crust, and I recognized it immediately. I’d found similar spots in my own sheets, after making love, and either he pulled out dribbling, or I rolled over without pulling on underwear, so I had to cross my legs around the blankets. My son was ejaculating, and I don’t know why I overreacted, but by the time he got home, I was livid.
I accused him of masturbating in bed, and he got defensive. “No mom. I know better than that, but I can’t help having wet dreams.”
“Oh.” I calmed down immediately. “No, that’s normal, but have you talked to anyone about, sex?” I hesitated to even say the word out loud, but I noticed for the first time that he wasn’t completely a little boy any more.
He shook his head, so I put on my coat, and took him out to the library. I had to get the librarian to help me find a book on the general subjects of puberty, and sexuality, without it being too pornographic.
However I believe that I made it all too clear that he shouldn’t be playing with himself. His father was one of those “If you shake it more than once you’re playing with it,” kinda guys.
You know it’s a joke, and I know that he did it. Masturbated shamelessly, but always in private. Not in front of the children, and I was the only one (That I knew of) privy to his sexual appetites. That was part of my job as a wife, and mother, but I didn’t have the slightest clue how to deal with my son, going on 13.
I avoided boys like that, in middle school. High school (Until one of them got me drunk) not bad boys per se. Sex fiends, perverts. The kind of boys that got under the bleachers to look up your skirts, or bumped into you “Accidentally,” to cop a feel of tits, or ass. Things I dared not speak about out loud, but I’m not that fucking sheltered.
Shit piss cunt fuck cock sucker… I was a fan of Carlin, and I laughed along with anybody at the dirty jokes. I laughed at the 2 Commandments, too. I thought it was a joke, until I actually read where they came from. (Matthew Chapter 22, Mark 12, and Luke 10, if you’re interested. Read the whole thing, then read it again until you understand it. The mistake most Christians make is they let their priests, and pastors read it to them, and leave out the parts that don’t agree with their conservative agendas.)
“Not in front of the Children!” Though. It wasn’t until after his birthday, he was officially a teenager, but that’s no excuse for what I’ve done.
I never touched him, but I walked in on him, not masturbating. “Huh!” He was sitting on his hands, his pants down around his ankles, and his shirt pulled up under his chin. He’d gotten ahold of a laptop, and had it across his lap, appropriately enough. He didn’t hear me come in, he didn’t hear me gasp because he had headphones plugged into the side. He didn’t even look up when I covered my mouth, but I just stood there.
Holding onto the doorknob, frozen by the sight in front of me. My son, my teenage son, like I said he was athletic. I didn’t know my husband when he was that age, but I’d seen pictures. Of him with his little league team, and on a chartered fishing boat with his family in swim trunks. His long lean tanned muscular arms, flat chest with dark nipples in the corner, and just a hint of abdominal muscle leading down to the waistband.
“Huh uh!” He threw his head back, and squeezed his knees tighter. “Uh fuck uhn!” Shaking, and his erection twitched, spitting ejaculate high in the air to cum down on his chest. Panting midriff, lap, the keyboard, and screen.
I blinked, realizing where I was, and what I was watching, but before I could close the door, he opened his eyes. “MOM?” He covered himself with the computer, snapping the screen shut, so the dirty mess was sandwiched between the screen, and the keyboard. I slammed the door, and went out in the kitchen.
To open the cabinets, pull out all the pots, and pans to stack them neatly, like I had been intending to, but put off until after the holidays. Just to avoid thinking about it, but he had to clean off the computer. He’d borrowed it from a friend, because it had wifi. (That wasn’t common at the time, most computers still plugged into the phone line, and you got free optical disks from AoL in the mail)
“Huh, mom. I’m sorry, but I wasn’t playing with it. I just.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t know that a man could do that, without touching it. What were you looking at on the computer?”
“Well, honestly that exact thing.” He’d wet a paper towel, and wrung it out to clean off the screen so he could return it to his friend. [Hands Free Cumpilation] 17 minutes of men ejaculating, one after another.
“Huh, you think I could get a copy of this, to show your father? I’m not equipped to understand this, but he’s a man, so.”
“Yeah,” he popped the CD Rom drive out the side, and handed me the burned DVD. “Just don’t tell him where you got it. Mom?”
“Yes son?” I just let him put it on the counter, loathe to touch it.
He pushed the disk drive back in, and busied himself with cleaning off the keyboard. “Huh,” he wouldn’t look at me, but I kept looking over at the dirty evidence on the counter. Instead of the dirty evidence on the keyboard. “When do you think it’s okay to start, masturbating?”
“Oh, whenever you’re ready. Honestly, I’m surprised it’s taken you this long, but you’re a teenager now. So, I suppose it’s okay, if you make sure to do it in private, away from your brother, and sisters.”
“Of course, I’m embarrassed that you saw that.”
“Huh, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.” I lied, but we’re not Catholic. I’m not Baptist any more either, we’re protestant but the denomination is less important than what they teach you about, especially when you’re teenagers to young adults:
Nothing, we just don’t talk about it. He didn’t say whether he’d gotten it from church, or school, but he didn’t have to. They were one in the same, he went to Parochial school, at the same church where I’d met his father, and we’d gotten married.
Finally, he’d finished cleaning up the computer to return it to his girlfriend, but I waited for him to leave. I took the dick back to our bedroom, where we had a DVD player to see if it would work with that format. (I’m not particularly tech savvy, so I couldn’t tell you the difference between CD R/W+, and -.)
Then, I watched it until my husband got home from work, and I was just sitting on the end of the bed. My hands in my lap, and my brain turned off again. Just taking it all in, shot after shot of ejaculate, but in all kinds of positions, with all kinds of men, and even some sex toys.
Butt plugs, mostly. Those sorts of videos, because Solo Men are exclusively marketed to gay men, to this very day. For no other reason than the sexist assumption that women don’t watch pornography. Some do, some don’t. So far, my experience consisted of watching 4 hours of cock sucking action with my husband to help him get in the mood. Why we had a DVD player in the bedroom, and the blue movie hidden where I’m sure the children would never find it. (Yeah, right. Given enough time, children can find every hiding place, and my eldest had about a decade to go through the house.)
“What the hell?” He turned around, and stopped pulling off his tie, “Are you watching?” He just happened to walk in on a man spread eagled, with the horse hair tail of the butt-plug hanging out, leather straps snapped on around his shaved scrotum, and pulsing bloated cock. He finished panting his fat hairy belly with jism, then it switched to 2 men. One giving the other hand hand job, then letting go so it jumped, and spurted all over his face.
“Huh, sorry.” I reached out and touched the eject button, so the screen turned blue, and [Aux No Signal] scrolled across. “Just something I found, in the street. Um.” I looked around, stalling to come up with the lie I had hours to think about, but I was so busy watching it over, and over again.
I hadn’t started dinner, I didn’t even vacuum. In fact, I’d left the cabinets wide open, and neglected to finish stacking the pots, and pans after Junior left to return the computer.
“You don’t want me to try, anything like that.”
“No, why? Would you?”
“I wouldn’t I’m not homosexual, why I’ve never even had a bi curious bone in my body.” I snickered. “No pun intended.”
“Huh, well you don’t have to.” I reached out, to pull his pants by the pockets, and center him between me, and the TV. “You have a wife that loves you, and understands your needs.” Pulling out his belt, and unbuckling it. “I know what you want, most of all.” I got it out, closed my eyes, and opened my mouth, to kiss the head, and suck it for the first time in over 20 years of marriage.
“Oh, honey, huh!” He rubbed my hair, and immediately hardened, but I reached up to take his hands. Pull them off of my head, and hold them on the edge of the dresser. “Oh god, I love you so much!”
I just nodded, slipping it in, and out with slow strokes. Just the likes it when I’m masturbating him so he doesn’t have to do it himself, but I slipped my fingers between his. Gripping the backs of his hands, and the TV hit the wall when he sat on the dresser. “Oh, Jesus. Where’d you learn to suck dick so good, ah. Fuck, ah fuck! UHN!”
“Swop!” I blinked, and watched it pop up. Wet, and glistening, the soft ridge on the bottom even bulged, and the first drops welled up to run down the frenulum.
“UGH! Uhgod! Uh, huh!” I watched entranced as it dipped down, and popped back up. Until I had to blink, and turned away when it shot in my eye.
“Ugh!” I scoffed, shaking my head, but he locked my fingers in a death grip, until I wanted to cry uncle. “Huh!” Another shot hit my cheek, and ran down the side of my neck, so I opened my other eye, and turned back.
“Huh, fuck, huh!” He panted out of breath, but it was already drooping, and shriveling up. He let me go, to lift it up, and milk the bottom out onto my tongue. “HUH!” He hunched, and the TV hit the wall again because he bumped it with his ass.
“Mommy?” I looked over. “Is daddy okay?”
“Oh my god!” I wiped my face off with my hand, and got up. “I’m sorry, sweety. You weren’t supposed to see that.” I picked up our eldest daughter, and held her face away. “You didn’t even close the door?”
“You should have thought of that when you’re watching faggot jerk off porn in here!” He yelled back as I carried her back to the girls’ room.
“Huh, just. Sit down, and let me think. I can explain.”
But I couldn’t of course. She was only 10, and went to an all girl’s school. The middle school classes were co-ed, and the high school was as well, but I’d sheltered her too, and I’d never had to have “The talk” with her. Then, she caught me giving her father a blowjob, and a hands free facial for the first time, and I didn’t even know what to think about it myself.
Because I wasn’t thinking, I was barely feeling anything, I just acted, and never considered the consequences. “Huh, when a man and woman love each other.”
“I know mom, you got married, and had sex. You’ve got 5 kids.” She held up one hand to demonstrate. “I’m in 5th grade, I know about sex, but. That wasn’t.” She shook her head. “Some kind of, kinky sex?”
“I don’t know, honestly when you get older, a man’s sexual appetites tend to. Wane?” I shook my head, “Meanwhile, a woman’s needs tend to peak about middle age.”
“Well, if your biological clock is ringing, then why don’t you just. Have sex?’ She shrugged. “Like normal people?”
“Huh, it’s not that simple? You see, when a man’s. Libido starts to. Go down, he needs something a little more. Stimulating to get in the mood.” I Shaternized the whole speech trying to talk and think at the same time, when I’d gotten better at not thinking about it than anything else.
“So, now you’re letting him dominate you, and.”
“No, oh no. It wasn’t? Anything like that.” Oddly, I’d just watched homosexuals perform BDSM with ruined orgasms, and just didn’t understand that was. Well? Even a part of it, I was so vanilla, honestly I’m more ashamed of how ignorant I could be for the first half of my life, that I needed my own daughter to point that out.
It was, Domination, and Discipline. I didn’t even know what S&M stood for, but even the way I held my hands, and he bent them back as if we’re playing Mercy. I manipulated him, with his greatest fantasy being a blowjob from his wife, and I just wanted to give him a hand’s free orgasm. So, being a man, he turned it around, and by the time my daughter walked in on us.
Honestly? She was right, he dominated me, and I was in the middle of Cock Worship. I just didn’t have the language to understand the concepts. Even as I was performing them, because I naturally lost myself in the moment. Submitted, and was satisfied with pleasuring my man. I’d done it for years, then wanting to shelter my daughter, I’d inadvertantly told her the truth.
We did need to talk. So, she could explain some things to me. She wasn’t into BDSM yet, but at least she could spell it.
Ironically, I had to learn about sex, and sexuality from my own children.
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