Now that I’m 18 I hate that I’m legal

I’ve been dating my groomer since I was 15f (him at the time 22) now I’m 18 he’s gonna be 24 and I miss being his underage babygirl

Since I was 10 I’ve been talking with older people. I got my first phone at ten and two weeks later I had a 32 year old boyfriend lol. We stopped dating because we got caught (online dating) and I told him to delete me. He didn’t get caught. Then I dated (I guess just sexted and sent pictures to) a few guys online from ages 12-15. Ranging all from ages 17-60 from even men and women. And honestly I miss that attention so much now that I’m 18. Out of all of them only 2 were mean and I used to talk to hundreds since I was a depressed hypersexual girl. I would send any pictures and videos. They loved me for it <3 Then I got with my now bf at 15. I gave him my virginity at 16 when I snuck him into my house. Hes so sweet. Yet so evil. I’m so addicted to it and I can’t help it. I know it’s wrong everything that I’ve done is wrong but it just makes me so tingly I can’t help it. I’ll do anything for him too. The other day he raped my bum. The very first time to do anal and he raped me. I cried and couldn’t see him in the moment but before and now I still crave it again. What’s wrong with me? Now I make myself still look younger. I dress pastel and use cute clothes and sometimes talk little. And I don’t do it on purpose it’s just what my mind likes. I think I’m mentally 8 or so but Ive been as h*rny as a pret33n boy all my life. I’ve put anything in my kitty even before hand. I’ve been humping poles since I was 5. Although you see my modd be disgusted a bit throughout this text I am leaking so much. I hate myself but I love being so disgusting like this. Serving my groomer. Being his toy. It all makes me so happy.