A short story I am devoloping that I need feedback on. It is aout a female dictator in the near future looking for a surrogate wife to impregnate to give her and hier to her throne of the country. NOTE:This story is far from finished, I am just in need of a support/critique group to help refine my ideas. I will be posting more as I get suggestions.
I awoke, still dazed. My sight was still blurry but i could make out the small details of where I was. I saw our country’s banners hanging from the ceiling. I saw soldiers on the edge of the room, overly dressed. I figured they were honor guard. I began to try and stand but was restrained by my neck on my knees. I felt the cold steel on my body. I was naked, completely exposed in front of all those people. I heard a door open behind me as i saw her walk in. The power in her steps sent shivers down my spine. She spoke, “You should be beaten or even killed for your actions. You know that?”
My head dropped in embarrassment. She grabbed the back of my neck making me yelp in pain. “Answer me whore!” she screamed. “I am sorry. I can’t stay awake anymore. I have been run ragged your highness.” I look back to the ground as a tear slides down my cheek. Her hand releases me as she drums her nails on my neck. “I could have you put in the breeding farms for 15 years, but I am feeling generous.” She smiles devilishly down at me. I can feel her burning gaze, burning through my very soul. “Take her to my private chambers. I have my own punishment she can endure.” She barked to the guards. My heart sinks as two guards unshackle me and drug me out of the room.’
As i was dragged down the hall, I started to hear screams and moaning. I feared for the worst as I saw the beaten bodies of the other prisoners, some prisoners of war others just common criminals. Their bodies cut and bleeding, just oozing black tainted blood. The guards reached the end of the hall and opened two very large doors. A bright light blinded me as I felt them throw me onto a soft surface. The shackled my hands to post behind me and placed a gag in my mouth, then made their leave.
I began to sweat, thoughts of what she might do to me making my eyes water in fear. I sat for a few minutes but felt like years. The large doors opened again, it was her, but not like I expected. She was in a white flowing gown, slightly see through. I had never her seen her like this. She was beautiful instead of terrifying. She walked to the side of the room and opened a small door and pulled out a bottle of wine and a glass. She turned and smiled at me as she walked over and lay next to me. She placed her hand on my face and I flinched. “You have nothing to fear.” she said “I won’t hurt such a beautiful creature.” I began to sob softly a few tears escaped from my eyes. She caressed me feeling bad for me. She removed my gag and kissed my cheek.
She poured herself a glass of wine and took a sip. “I will cut the small talk and get to the reason I actually brought you here. I have sex slaves and servants but I lack one thing, a companion. Would you be my wife?” Shocked at the offer, I stuttered unable to speak. But before I could she pressed her finger to my lips, hushing me. “You don’t have to decide now. I will give you one monthto make your decision. During that time you will live with me, sleep with me and eat with me.” She puts the glass in front of my mouth and tilts it so I could drink. I take a small sip. “Thank you madam.”. I quivered at the bitterness but dared not try and spit it out. She chuckles to herself. “I see your aren’t accustomed to the taste of virgin blood, but you will in time.”
She reaches over to the side table, turning out the light. I heard her rustling around on the sheets next to me. She placed her cold hand against my stomach. I shivered, pulling on the chains slightly. My arms were becoming sore from being in such a position. I tried anything to keep them comfortable. I wanted to ask to be unshackled but was afraid to wake her up. Before I knew it I was asleep.
The next morning I open my eyes, still a little hazey. The balcony door is open, letting in a very welcoming morning breeze. I sit up in the bed, holding the sheet up with my hand as I look about the room some more. I catch a small glimpse of of boot outside the open door. “Hello?” I ask nervously. Bellona pokes her head in and smiles. “Good your awke.” Smirks at me. “Get that sexy ass of yours out of bed, I want to show you something.” I look down nervously and blush but I dare not disobey and I get up, the sheet falling to the ground and I step out onto the balcony. The sun blinding me as my eyes begin to adjust to the harsh light. I look to Bellona, her foot propped up on a banister with a high caliber rifle across the top rail, her eye glued to the scope. “Looking through this old thing beings back some memories you know?” She lean back in the chair reveling her naked upper half, only covered in a black cup less corset. I gulp as my mind wonders if she has neglected to put on panties. She motions me over, pointing to the scope. “Come have a look for a sec.” I walk over and bend down towards the scope looking through it. I man working in a construction yard comes into view. Broad shoulder, a thick neck. One would say a very manly man.“See that guy? Big muscles, and all that fun stuff. Doing all the heavy lifting for the other guys so they can have a quick breather?” What if I were to tell you I watch him every morning, just like I am now. Then what if I say this is the first time in a few months he is actually doing anything.” I step back a little unsure of her point. “Yes, but may I ask why you do so Madam?” She smiles at and rests her arm on the back of her chair. “Because a leader who knows her people can make them happier and then even miserable. If one knows another’s weakness it’s easier to bring them down.” She looks through the scope herself and smiles. “But he is a deceiver, and a liar. I even talked to his boss the other day, thus the reason he is actually doing anything. But to be honest it was a mistake for him to do anything. It proves he could work so making his earlier time there a lie.” Pulls back the bolt on the rifle, loading a single bullet. “I don’t like liars.” Bellona pulls the trigger, the sound of the gun makes me jump and close my eyes. Mere moments after the shot I hear her laugh. I look off into the distance, barely making out the lifeless body of the man under a large pile of cinder blocks he was just carrying. I was stunned to say the least. “Liars must be weeded out.” She pulls back the bolt and the empty shell flys out. Setting the rifle down, leaning it against the balcony railing. She stands up proving my fantasy correct, her glorious labia exposed, slightly spread in arousal. Bellona walks back into the bedroom, laying back on her bed. I follow her and stand at the foot of the bed, nervous to lay down with her, staring at her glorious form. She smiles at me. “Go on babe, you’re the only one who can have a go at me without asking. Love is spontaneous, that’s what I want you to be.” I blush, my face beat red at her words as I crawl onto the bed. My face inches away from her sex. My heart begins to pound as I reach my tounge out, lighty caressing her clitoris. I lift her hood, exposing her bud comepletely. Taking the blood gorged button in my mouth. Her body tenses as she moans. Writhing a bit under my touch. Feeling her hand run through my hair as her hips begin to buck wildly. Her moans become louder as her juices cover my face. I wince at the unexpected outburst. She strokes my hair. “Good girl. Bellona then gets up and opensher walk in closet door pulling out a white latex suit and lays on the bed next to me. “Now put this on, we have somewhere we need to be.” I look blankly at the suit before I unzip the front, stepping into the white jumpsuit and zipping it up to my necks, snapping the strap around my neck to keep the zipper in place. Bellona smiles at me evily. “I’m so glad you put that on without much of a fight. Now you see, this suit is what all the other nobles have, but of course mine is better. Your body belongs to me for as long as you live in this place.” I drop to my knees in pain. Electricity firing throughout the suit. “I can issue pain, deliver pleasure..” as she presses another button, two rubber dildo like ballons inflate between my legs, one penetrating my vagina, the other my anus. “With just a touch of a button. Any button push on this remote can make you cum or make you wish you were never born. Oh and one more thing.” As she pusjes the last button on the remote, a sharp pain envolopes through my urethera as a tube forces it’s way from the suit into my bladder. My urine starting to leak out on the floor as the muscles keeping it inside are rendered useless. I blush as I pee myself infront of her Glad to see this still works after so long.” She says with a smile. “But, but Madam, how will I…you know?” I say still blushing as my urine finally stops coming out. She raises an eyebrow and looks at me. “Oh with your new diet, that will be unneeded.” I nod unsure of what I was going to be fed now. She turns a dial on the remote, making the balloons a pulsate, stimulating me. I drop to my hands and knees as the pressure in me builds, working my inner walls, feeling myself growing weaker and more aroused. The pulsing becomes faster, I begin to moan loudly. Before long I’m wrihing with each pulse. “Oh please Madam, let me cum. I beg you.” I plead in between breaths. She switches the dial off, the ballons deflate. My eyes widen in frustration., my juices pooling in the crotch of my new suit. “Not yet.” She says. “Yes Madam.” I reply. “Now get off the ground, we have a rally to attend.” I stand and follower her out of the bedroom