I had no idea why my husband wanted to play Jesus for Halloween…
But, he set up a sort of Haunted House in the side yard. A spooky arch over the gate, a little roof over pop-up, and drop down ghosts to give the kiddies a scare. At the end of that, of course we had refreshments set up on the back porch, but as for him.
He had me crucify him, in the breakfast nook. 3 windows, like a 3 way mirror on the inside, but overlooking the porch. A loin-cloth, and even fake nails in his arms, with fake blood. A small wound in his side, also dripping fake blood, which I was pretty proud of.
All in all, a pretty impressive display for the kids, to have a night to remember, but then one of them giggled. Looking through the side window, she pointed, and whispered to her friend’s ear. Completely ignoring the handful of candy, they didn’t even open their trick or treat bags, and hold them up.
“Is this some sort of kinky thing?” Her friend, a boy asked.
“No, we’re Christian, and we simply decided that in the spirit of Halloween…”
He pointed, “Then how come Jesus’s got a boner?” They both giggled, and I had to lean out the kitchen door to look.
Harold had his eyes closed, and this expression on his face, I’d never seen before. Of course, I had seen his erection, our kids were out in the neighborhood, going door-to-door for their trick-or-treats, but.
“Here’s your candy.” I just waved my handful for them to hold up their bags, or pumpkin buckets, and “Shoo”ed them off. So, I could go back in.
“Harry! What’s with the erection, have you no shame?” He shook his head, and blinked.
“I’m sorry, I can’t help it, I’ve never had this happen before.”
“They think this is some sort of kinky thing.”
“Well, if you think about it, it is kinda kinky.”
“Yes, but you’re on disp.” I thought about it, running my eyes up his tight muscular abs. The work of countless situps, and cross crunches to bring out his obliques from hips to ribs. The firm thick shelf of his pectorals, holding his nipples out at the corners, and his arms stretched wide. So his back muscles spread behind him like wings, he looked forward. Eyes darting back, and forth to the side windows.
“Huh, well you look good.” I had to admit, “God, you look good in that position.”
“I know, right?”
I shook my head, “But it’s indecent.”
“I know,” he winked, “Right?”
“You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“But I can’t do anything about it. Why don’t you give me a hand, quick before some more kids show up, and see me like this.”
Honestly, the thought of them seeing him like this was so sinful, but maybe if I stood in the way, and pushed it up.
“Uh!” His head thumped against the post. With the cross bar screwed into the front of it, he hung out a little, and he could put his head back, while I rubbed the circumcised head in the rough material I’d gotten from a bean-bag. “Fuck!”
“Jesus,” I giggled, “You’re really hard!”
“It’s so rough, and prickly.”
“It’s your fault for not wearing underwear.”
“Of course not, they stripped him down to his underwear to carry the cross!”
“God, forgive me, this is so blasphemous.”
“Quick, uh. Rub me off quick, before any more kids show up.”
I managed to grip it through the fabric, but the draw-string was too tight to stick it out of the top. The fabric was lose, especially once I pulled more slack out from the flap over the front. So I could tuck my fingers, and thumbs in behind it, and grip it with the rough scratchy cloth.
When I say bean-bag, I mean we literally got a 5lb sack of Beans. Dried beans, I put in tuppers, in the pantry, but only the front was printed. “Huh, hurry up. Faster, ugh. Faster, god I’m going to. NGHM!”
He bit his lip! “Huh!” I let go, and pulled the front flap down. That’s all it was, a strip of rough cloth, up between hit legs, and belted on with the draw-string. Also rough brown twine. Tight like that, I could even see it go soft.
“Hhuh!” He relaxed, hanging his head, satisfied, and for some reason all I could think about was his seed. The spent semen leaking out through the rough crotch, and running down his crossed legs. “Huh?”
Someone knocked? I hadn’t even heard the ghosts trigger in the side yard, from more children running the gauntlet to get to the porch. “Whew!” For a moment, I thought we’d gotten away with it, just in time, and then I opened the door to see why the timing was so suspicious.
“I knew it had to be some sort of kinky thing.” The boy held up his pumpkin bucket.
“Only because I told you!” The girl, that whispered in his ear, and pointed out the dirty evidence, sticking out of the front of the loincloth like a tent post.
“Well, it wasn’t. Honestly, we hadn’t planned for that to happen, let alone for you to see it.”
“It’s okay.” The little girl shook her pillowcase, for me to pull out another handful. “We won’t tell anyone, promise.”
“Huh!” I just gave them both another handful, and shut the door. They promised. “Uh!”
“Honey?”
“What?” I checked his groin for another erection, even as the ghosts tripped in the side yard, from them leaving. The relays on the side table, back to front, that I hadn’t heard from them leaving, of course.
“Maybe, we should try this again, some time. After we clean up from Halloween.”
I nodded, “Crucifixion?” Shook my head.
“Bondage, exposure.” He looked away with a dirty grin. “Maybe for some adults next time, but. Nobody we know. All right?”
“Of course not. How could I look them in the eye again, after they’ve seen you like this?” I have to admit though. Seeing him like this, and even the masturbation. I’d never masturbated my husband before, I figured what would be the point? He has his own hands, and of course that’s not sinful.
In all 3 Gospels, Jesus explained that the “Seed” isn’t a man’s seed, the Sowers are the prophets, sowing the Word of God, and if it falls on deaf ears, then Satan comes, and snatches it from their hearts. I grew up Baptist, so it was taught that ment masturbation, pulling out to prevent pregnancy, or using the rhythm method to have sex when the woman is infertile, but.
I have to shake my head, when the relays started tripping, and the front of the loin-cloth, miraculously started rising again. “Huh, a reserection. You think we’re in for a second cumming?”
“Oh, you. You dirty minded…” They knocked, and I tried to distract them with candy, but they just stood there, in front of the windows, instead of the door.
“Jesus’s got a big stiffy!” They giggled.
“Yeah,” the witch said below, “I told you.”
“You promised not to.”
“Well, I lied. You gonna rub him off in the undies again?”
“They’re not undies, it’s a loin-cloth.”
“Well, you gonna rub him off in the loin cloth again?”
I looked around, at the young faces, looking through the windows, of the breakfast nook. Curiously.
“Huh, but first. Have you ever heard the parable of the sower, and the seed?”
“UH!” Another girl rolled her eyes. “Liar. I told you they’re Christian, and they’d never do anything so sinful, in front of children.”
“Well, how about some candy?” I picked up the bowl, and they crowded around, for handfuls of treats. I know it’s childish, but while they’re not looking, I stuck my tongue out at the little witch, waiting down in the yard.
Little liar, well you got your treats, and now I tricked you. I was really starting to get in the spirit of the holiday.
As unholy as that may be…
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