I was sixteen years old when I befriended Charlotte Simmons. I had been living with Maeve Anderson, my fifth foster parent, for about eight months. Maeve was the kindest foster parent I had by then, but she was also the biggest pushover. I had taken advantage of her kindness on too many occasions, and while I did feel guilty sometimes, I knew it wouldn’t be too long before I was switched to a different home anyway. I learned the hard way to never make attachments.
So it was unfortunate for me when I bumped into Charlotte on her first day at Sugarhill High School. Standing in the hallway, she had never looked so out of place with her white skirt and plaid vest. Then there were the dark glasses on her face, and I thought she must have been the most stuck-up person in the world to be wearing glasses inside.
I had meant to bump into her shoulder just slightly out of spite, but a guy crashed into me from behind as soon as I reached her and sent us all to the ground.
He had screamed out an apology while scrambling to his feet and running away.
“Asshole!” I shouted after him, but he was long gone.
I stood up and meant to walk away, but then I heard her glasses crunch under my shoes. I turned back towards her, but she was still sitting on the ground where she had fallen, unmoving.
“Hey,” I said roughly.
When she remained still, I sighed deeply and leaned down in front of her. It was my first time seeing hazel eyes, and I was struck by how unworldly it seemed. She didn’t look away even as I continued to stare at her, enraptured by the green and gold of her eyes.
But then she spoke, and I was pulled back into myself. “Leave me alone.”
I stood up again with a scowl. “Gladly.”
As I walked away a couple of steps, she finally moved, her hands reaching out blindly in front of her for her stuff. I realized, with a start, that she was blind, and I came to a stop. Then, before I could shout a warning, her fingers brushed against the broken glasses, and she withdrew her hand to her chest.
Without thinking, I rushed back to her and grabbed her hand to examine it.
“What are you doing?” she asked while trying to pull her hand away, but I kept a firm grip. A line of blood had broken on the surface of her finger.
“You’re bleeding,” I said. “You cut yourself on your glasses.”
She frowned. “I’m blind, not stupid. I can feel it.”
“Geez, are you always this uptight?” I muttered and released her hand. She cradled it to her chest and winced from the pain. Even though I could have left, I picked up her books instead and stood. “Come on. I’ll take you to the nurse’s office.”
“I can’t,” she said and finally stood up.
“And why not?”
“My dad is with the Principal.”
I glanced over at the closed door behind her, where the Principal’s office was. “How long has he been in there for?”
She merely shrugged in response, and I sighed. “I’ll be back.”
“Where are you going?” she asked, stepping forward.
“I’ll bring the nurse to you.”
Her brows furrowed. “Why are you helping me?”
“I don’t know, Princess,” I said as I began to head towards the nurse’s office.
She stiffened. “I’m not a princess.”
“Whatever you say.” I grinned even though she couldn’t see it. “Princess.” Her face twisted into a scowl, and I laughed. “See you in a few.”
——-
Nurse Robin was not happy that she had to leave her office, but it only took me exaggerating the state of the wound for her to bring the big box of first aid.
When we got there, the girl was still there, but this time with Principal Williams and a well-dressed man, who I assumed was her father, hovering over her.
“I’m fine, dad,” she said.
The man looked up when we stopped in front of them. Principal Williams’s eyes widened when he saw that it was me.
“I brought the nurse,” I said awkwardly.
“Shouldn’t you be in class?” Principal Williams asked nervously, stepping forward.
“What happened to her?” The man asked sharply. His eyes were a piercing green, and they were filled with accusation as he stared me down.
“She was just helping me,” the girl said. “Someone bumped into us, and I cut myself on the glasses.”
Unable to hold his gaze, I lowered my head. “Yeah, what she said.”
Finally, I felt his attention shift away from me. “What are you doing, just standing there? Shouldn’t you be treating her?”
Nurse Robin snapped to attention and stumbled towards the girl. “Oh yes, sorry.”
It felt like we were trapped in a bubble of tense air, and all of the power radiated from the man solely. I had never seen Principal Williams so nervous before, and even Nurse Robin lost all of her snappiness.
I began to back away from them. “I should be heading to class.”
“Wait.”
My feet came to a stop. So close.
The man stepped towards me, and I dared to meet his gaze again. This time, some of the hardness had left. “I want to talk with you.”
My heart began to race, and I glanced over at Principal Williams, who looked just as panicked.
“Sam, can we use your office?” He demanded more than asked.
“Yes, of course,” Principal Williams answered. “But she’s really no one special. Just a student–”
“She helped my daughter,” the man said. “That’s pretty important, don’t you think?”
I froze. I had never heard anyone talk to Principal Williams that way. Whoever this man was, he must have been important, and I cursed myself for getting involved.
“Right, of course.” Principal Williams’s face reddened. “Take as long as you need.”
As I began to wonder where Principal Williams would go, the man headed towards the office, and I reluctantly followed him. He turned briefly towards his daughter. “Take Charlotte to the nurse’s office. This won’t take long.”
Charlotte. So that was her name.
“Dad,” Charlotte looked up with a pained look. “She really didn’t do anything.”
He smiled warmly at his daughter, and I was struck by how different he looked now. “I believe you, darling. Don’t worry.”
She smiled in relief, but I felt none of it myself. I stepped into the office, and he closed the door behind us. I had been sent here too many times to count, but now, it felt like a prison cell.
The man walked over to the desk and sat down in Principal Williams’s seat as if he owned it. He gestured to the seat across, and I reluctantly sat down. I kept my gaze on the desk as my fingers fidgeted on my lap.
“What’s your name?” he asked.
“Jess,” I answered. “Jess Silva.”
Jess Silva was a random name given to me. I never knew my parents, and all I knew was that I had been dropped off at a fire station the day I was born.
Then he typed something into the computer and clicked around. I sat there, waiting. Then he pulled out his phone and rapidly tapped it.
The longer I waited, the more constricted the air felt in the office. We must have sat in silence for about ten minutes before he shifted his attention back to me.
“Why did you help my daughter?” he asked, pocketing his phone.
I shrugged. “I bumped into her. I felt bad.”
It was the truth, though he didn’t know that I had intentionally planned to bump into her anyway.
“So you pitied her,” he said factually. “Is it because she’s blind?”
My eyes snapped up to meet his but didn’t answer. He took it as confirmation.
“Charlotte is a very stubborn girl. She insisted on going to public school even though I told her it wasn’t going to be easy.” He leaned back into the chair. “Private school would have been too tough. People like me are not nice, and they will not treat a blind girl kindly. So public school was the only option, and it seems like I was right.”
I wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be an insult with his tone. He made everything sound like an insult.
“I want to propose something to you, but whatever I tell you next can never leave this room. Do we have an understanding?” he said sternly.
Swallowing, I nodded. I wasn’t sure what he would be capable of doing if I did say something, but I wasn’t in the business of finding out.
He leaned forward, and folded his hands together on the table. “I want you to be Charlotte’s friend.”
My mind went blank. The request was so underwhelming that I couldn’t even think of a response. Thankfully, he didn’t wait for one.
“Be her friend until she graduates, and I will pay for your college tuition to whatever school you decide to go to,” he proposed now. “If you choose not to go to college, then I will pay about the same amount to you in a span of four years after high school. Do whatever you want with that money.”
I could feel my mouth opening as his proposal ran circles in my mind. He wanted to pay me to be his daughter’s friend. The idea was so ludicrous I wanted to laugh, but he was not smiling at all. In fact, his eyes were hard.
“I know you have been in foster care since you were a baby, so you don’t have any financial support,” he continued. “This will benefit you a lot.”
My body chilled all over. In a matter of ten minutes, he had looked up my entire life. Just how powerful was he, and why, out of all the places Charlotte could have gone to, she had to come here?
And why the fuck couldn’t I have just minded my own business and walked away?
Now, he sat back and waited.
Even though my mind was still racing, the answer was clear.
“No,” I said and met his gaze steadily. “No deal.”
And for the first time since I met him, he looked surprised. He raised a questioning brow. “And why not?”
“I’m not someone you can just pay to make your daughter’s life easier,” I said as calmly as I could even though pressure was growing in my chest from fury. “Just because we’re not as rich doesn’t mean we have to be nice. We’re not here to be pushed around.”
I knew he probably could have ruined my life for saying all of this, but I didn’t care. I had nothing to lose.
But Charlotte’s dad merely tapped his finger on the table as his expression changed into consideration. “That was not at all the response I expected.”
I merely stared at him blankly, and then he sighed and shrugged. “Well, it was worth a try.” He stood up and pulled out his wallet. Then he tossed a card on the table. “If you change your mind.”
I remained still as he moved towards the door and opened it. Then he glanced back once more. “And remember what I said. Nothing leaves this room.”
Long after he left the room, I pocketed the card and left the office.
——
I didn’t see Charlotte again for the rest of the day, and I made a promise to myself to ignore her if I saw her again.
Even though I pushed her father’s proposal to the back of my mind, the card felt heavy in my pocket.
Daniel Simmons. CEO of Simmons Enterprises.
I had no idea what Simmons Enterprises was, but he was the CEO of a company that had his name. It was no wonder Principal Williams had been so flustered.
Whoever he was, I was certain that I wouldn’t take the deal. There was nothing that would make me give him the pleasure of winning.
I had been so sure of it until I arrived back to the house. Maeve was sitting in the kitchen, head in her hands with a yellow paper on the table.
When she heard me come in, she immediately tried to hide the paper, but I grabbed it from her hands. My heart dropped at the word “foreclosure.”
“–just a couple months behind,” Maeve tried to dissuade me from concern. “I’ll call the bank tomorrow morning and try to–”
“What about the monthly stipend?” I asked. “You could just use that.”
Maeve shook her head and sat down. “I’m not going to use that money. That’s for you.”
“I don’t need it,” I said. “I would rather you not lose the house.”
I didn’t tell her why, though. I didn’t tell her that I didn’t want to go into another family. I didn’t tell her that I wanted to stay with her.
Maeve sighed. “We won’t lose the house, Jess. I promise.”
I had listened to too many empty promises.
She attempted a smile. “Why don’t you let me worry about this, okay? How was school today?”
I didn’t answer. Instead, I turned on my heel and went towards my room. She called out for me, but I ignored her.
Then, in my room, I pulled out Daniel Simmons’s card and called the number.
——
When I arrived to school the next day, all of my classes had been changed to the same schedule as Charlotte’s. Principal Williams had not said anything when he gave me my new schedule, and I had not said anything either. I didn’t know if he knew about the deal, but I wasn’t about to risk it.
I had negotiated on a different offer. In exchange for paying off the mortgage, I would befriend Charlotte. It would be less than the amount he offered before, but I didn’t to use his money for myself. I only wanted to help Maeve, which in turn would help me.
He had agreed to the deal immediately, and why wouldn’t he? It would cost him less, and he would still get what he wanted.
A fellowship was the excuse I gave to Maeve. She wanted more details, so Daniel faked a couple of documents and emailed it over to me. A fellowship for Simmons Enterprises, where I would be studying business. There was no bone in my body that cared for business running, but Maeve didn’t need to know that.
I felt a tinge of guilt when she hugged me excitedly and went on a tangent of celebration ideas, but she would be able to keep her house and that was all that mattered.
Befriending Charlotte was not an easy task, though. She might have been the most infuriating person I had ever met, and it was no wonder why her dad had to pay me to be her friend.
I tried making light jokes, but she laughed at none of them. I asked questions, but she merely gave me dry responses or no responses at all. I even went as far as asking her to hang out after school, but she said she was busy. It was as if she didn’t want to be my friend at all, and I wondered why she even wanted to attend public school if she didn’t want to interact with anyone.
Well, it wasn’t like anyone wanted to talk to her anyway. They all avoided her and looked at me like I was crazy for trying to befriend her. I felt crazy.
It was the second week since I accepted the deal that she finally confronted me.
“Why do you keep talking to me?” she snapped as I followed her out of the school. Classes had ended for the day.
She stopped on the steps outside the building and stumbled. I immediately grabbed her arm to steady her, and she yanked it away with a frown.
“I’m just trying to be your friend,” I said lamely.
“Why?”
“Why not?”
“I act like a bitch, and yet you come back every day.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled sharply. “What did my dad say to you?”
I grew still as my mind formed my next words carefully. “Nothing major. He just thanked me for helping you.”
Charlotte shook her head in disbelief. “He had to have said something.”
She couldn’t have known. I had been careful, and I knew Daniel was calculative enough to not have said anything suspicious. But somehow, she had caught on.
Then Charlotte turned away from me, closing her eyes. “Did…did he tell you about the accident?”
Accident?
I looked at her, trying to figure out what she meant, and then it occurred to me. Her blindness had not been natural at all.
“No,” I answered. “He didn’t tell me any of that. I promise. I just want to be your friend. That’s all.”
She exhaled slowly and lowered herself onto the steps. I sat down next to her.
“No one has ever wanted to be my friend,” she finally said and reopened her eyes. They shone with tears.
“Me too,” I said. “I’ve never really had friends before.”
It was the truth. Growing up, I had a bad temper and got into a lot of fights. Anyone who tried to befriend me was repelled by my aloofness. I was used to being alone, but now I had no other choice.
“I thought you were just pitying me.”
“What, because you’re an antisocial bitch?” I retorted.
That earned me a small smile from her, and I was struck by how mesmerizing it looked.
“Yeah, that’s exactly it,” she said. Then her smile faded, and I felt the desire to see it again. “So you really want to be friends?”
I shrugged. “Yeah.”
She threw her hands up. “Oh, what the hell. We might as well since it seems like we’re in all the same classes anyway.”
Right.
Silence enveloped us. I wasn’t sure how else to proceed now. My goal had been to break through her shell and get her to agree to be my friend, but what did friends really do?
“So,” Charlotte finally said after a while. “What should we do?”
“What do you like to do?” I asked.
She shrugged. “Read.”
“I don’t really like–” Then it hit me, and her lips formed a smirk. “Okay, that is so mean.”
“Well, let me rephrase that,” she said, laughing. “I like to listen to audio books.”
“I hate books.”
“Well, what do you like?”
“Music.”
Charlotte raised a brow. “What about it do you like?”
“Everything.”
Then she sighed and shook her head. “We suck at talking, don’t we?”
I found myself grinning. “See, we finally found something in common.”
And Charlotte returned my grin with one of her own.
——
In the span of five months, Charlotte and I got better at talking, and we talked so much that our teachers had to tell us several times to be quiet. They never separated us though.
I found out that Charlotte had a twin brother, James, who went to a boarding school. He was the more charming and outgoing sibling, but he was also the troublemaker in the family. Charlotte’s mom, Grace, was a famous photographer, and she had taken a lot of pictures for popular magazines.
Charlotte’s family seemed happy and successful. It was the kind of family that I always wanted. When she asked me about my family, I thought about lying. I wanted to paint my life in a glamorous way and tell her that I had loving parents, but the friendship already felt dishonest enough.
“My parents gave me up after I was born,” I told her.
Immediately, she sought for my hand, and I put it in her path. As her hand enveloped mine, I knew that if it were anyone else, I would have shoved them for touching me.
But not Charlotte.
As my friendship with her progressed, the mortgage kept getting paid each month. Maeve continued to keep believing me about the fellowship, and all of the times that I spent outside of school hanging out with Charlotte was used to help spin that lie.
I had gone to Charlotte’s house a couple of times by now. The first time I came, I was struck by how big it was. I had never seen a gated house that was almost the size of a mansion before, and I felt out of place in my jeans, graphic tee, and converse.
Charlotte’s bedroom was what I expected. It was spacious with a balcony and private bathroom. Her room was neat and decorated with plushy furniture.
All the times I had been to her house, I had not seen her parents at all, thankfully. Her brother was at boarding school, so I had never met him.
But it was the first day of summer, which meant her brother was home, and so, I was surprised when I came over and saw him lying on the couch.
He was the guy version of Charlotte with chestnut-colored hair and hazel eyes. His hair was naturally wavy like Charlotte’s.
He sprung up from the couch and bounced towards us with energy.
“Jess, that guy is probably my brother, James,” Charlotte introduced us to each other. “James, this is Jess. She’s my best friend.”
Best friend. I felt my chest swell.
James looked at me with a grin. “Hey Jess, I heard a lot about you.”
I held out a hand, but he pulled me into a welcoming hug. Charlotte beamed at us.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I said with a polite smile when he pulled away.
“Nice dimples,” he said, and I blushed.
“Thanks.”
Charlotte’s brows furrowed.
James threw himself back on the couch. “So what are you both planning on doing today?”
“Girl stuff,” Charlotte said before I could answer. She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the stairs. “None of your business, basically.”
He said something in response, but we were too far to hear him.
“When did your brother get back?” I asked.
“Just last night,” she answered as we took the steps up to the second floor. “It’s nice to have him back. The house has been so empty except whenever you’re here.”
She smiled back at me, and my chest squeezed. We entered her bedroom, and she shut the door closed.
“I have something to show you,” she said and walked into her closet. I stood outside, waiting.
Then she reemerged, holding a chestnut acoustic guitar. She held out her other hand, searching for me, and I immediately walked over to her and grasped her hand in mine.
She smiled, and we sat down on her bed.
“I found this in a closet upstairs,” she said, handing over the guitar.
I took it gently in my hands. “What were you doing in the closet?”
“I was bored.”
I strummed the strings lightly. It was out of tune, and Charlotte winced at the sound. “It was my dad’s, but he doesn’t play it anymore.”
The guitar’s wood felt rough in my hands, and there were scratches on the surface of it. Based on the state of it, the guitar was really old and had been neglected.
“I want you to have it,” Charlotte said.
My eyes widened, and I pushed the guitar back into her hands. “No, I can’t.”
She pushed it back towards me. “Seriously. I already asked him, and he said yes.”
Another gift of him for befriending Charlotte, I imagined with a tinge of guilt, but of course, I couldn’t tell her that.
“Jess?”
I turned towards her, my gut still twisting.
“Can you play me something?” she asked softly, and her cheeks turned pink. “I mean, if you want.”
“Sure,” I said, my heart pounding.
As I tuned the guitar, my mind ran through the many possible songs I could play, and then I eventually settled on one.
Finished with tuning, I rested my fingers on the strings and released a breath. Then I began to strum. Charlotte leaned back on her palms, her lips forming a smile.
“Last November, you said you’d remember that night forever,” I sang quietly. “And I hung onto your every word, believing our love was everlasting.”
The memorized lines continued to flow out of me, and I closed my eyes, falling deep into the song. Eventually, I forgot Charlotte was listening until I played the final note, and she threw her arms around me.
“That was beautiful,” she whispered. “What song was that?”
I swallowed tightly. “I don’t have a name for it yet.”
Charlotte pulled away, her eyes wide. I already missed her embrace. “That’s your song?”
“Yeah,” I said and looked down at the guitar, strumming it randomly.
“It was really good,” she said.
I looked at her again, and my eyes fell to her smiling lips. They were full and looked soft. My grip on the guitar tightened.
“Hey Jess?”
“Hm?”
“I didn’t know you had dimples.” Her brows scrunched up just slightly, and I got the sense that she was leaning forward.
“I do,” I whispered.
My eyes flickered from her lips to her green-gold eyes, and I felt myself leaning towards her.
We were only a breath apart when there was a loud knock on her door, and we both pulled away. I flew off the bed just as the door opened.
“Hey, mom’s–” James stopped, taking in the sight of us awkwardly looking at him. He raised a brow. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Charlotte immediately said. “What’s going on with mom?” He didn’t look like he believed her, but she couldn’t see that. His eyes pierced mine as he answered, “Mom’s back from Paris.”
I averted my gaze to Charlotte, but then I remembered the moment seconds ago. Feeling my face heat up, I looked to the floor instead.
“Oh my gosh! Mom’s home?” Charlotte stood up excitedly and then turned towards my direction. “Jess, I have to introduce you to her. She’s going to love you.”
Based on how her dad was, I wasn’t sure that I believed her, but I stepped towards her. Hearing my footsteps, her eyes located me, and she reached for me. I slid my hand into hers, and she pulled me towards the door, where James still stood, watching us.
He stepped to the side for us to go through, but his eyes never left me. A smirk hung on his lips, and I wasn’t sure I liked the sight of it.
Back downstairs, some of the house staff was carrying in a considerable amount of luggage. I had met all of them with all the times I had been here.
Then a woman, dressed in a stylish and dark jumpsuit, entered the house, lugging a heavy suitcase behind her. One of the house staff, followed from behind, her face in a state of distressed as she watched.
“Martha, I’ve got it,” the woman said with an airy laugh.
“Miss, you really shouldn’t strain yourself,” Martha stressed. “You’ve been on a long flight.”
The woman waved her off and set the suitcase down with a thud.
“Mom!” Charlotte exclaimed.
Then the woman turned, and her eyes lit up when she saw her daughter. I stepped back as she rushed towards Charlotte and pulled her into a tight embrace.
James descended from the stairs, and he leaned on the railing as he watched them.
“Oh, I’ve missed you so much!” The woman said, kissing both of Charlotte’s cheeks. Then she looked towards James and reached for him. He went down the steps, and she pulled him into the hug as well.
Looking at them, they were everything Charlotte had described. A perfect, happy family.
I had never felt so out of place, and I wondered if this was how Charlotte felt every day at school.
They pulled away, and the woman turned her attention to me. I stiffened, but her gaze was warm. “You must be Jess. Charlotte has told me so much about you.”
It seemed like Charlotte had told her entire family about me while Maeve didn’t even know she existed.
I stepped forward with an outstretched hand. “Hello Mrs. Simmons. It’s nice to–”
She pulled me into a hug. It seemed like everyone in this family except for Daniel was very fond of hugs.
“Oh, please call me Grace,” she said warmly. “I’m so glad that Charlotte has you as a friend.”
I wondered if she knew about the deal between me and her husband. When she pulled away, I searched her gaze for a knowing look, but she remained smiling kindly.
“How was Paris?” James asked.
“Oh, Paris was Paris,” Grace answered. “I’m just happy I’m finally home with you two now.”
Charlotte and James nodded as if they understood, but I had no idea what Paris was like at all.
“How long will you be home for?” Charlotte asked.
“As of right now, indefinitely,” Grace answered. Charlotte and James grinned in response. Then she turned to me. “Oh, Jess, please stay for dinner.”
“Thank you Mrs. — Grace, but I don’t want to intrude,” I said. Truthfully, I didn’t want to stay for dinner. I felt like an outsider, and being here any longer felt strange.
“Nonsense,” Grace said. “You won’t be intruding at all. Please stay.”
Charlotte looked towards me pleadingly, and I relented with a nod. “Okay, I’ll stay for dinner if you guys really don’t mind. Thank you.”
“We don’t mind at all,” Grace said. Then she yawned. “Okay, I’m gonna head upstairs and rest for a bit before dinner. It has been a very exhausting flight.”
She gave her children a final hug before heading towards the staircase. After she was gone, James backed towards the front door.
“I’m gonna head out for a bit,” he said. “You both have fun, but not too much fun.”
He looked at me pointedly, and I looked away, pretending not to see.
“Oh, shut up,” Charlotte said, and he chuckled before leaving.
Then it was just the two of us.
“So what now?” I asked her.
She bit down on her lip, and I remembered the moment from upstairs. I couldn’t stop from wondering what it would have felt like to kiss her, and my stomach fluttered endlessly from the thought.
“I have an idea, but I don’t know if you’ll like it,” she said.
“Just tell me,” I said mindlessly, my gaze still on her lips.
“What if we go to your house?” she suggested.
I froze, and my gaze snapped up to her eyes.
“See?” she said after a while. “I told you, you wouldn’t like it.”
“Why do you want to go there?” I finally asked.
She shrugged. “You’ve been at my house plenty of times, but I’ve never been to yours. I want to see your home as well.”
“You won’t be able to see it,” I said more sharply than I intended to and immediately regretted it.
Charlotte flinched and took a step back. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.” I reached for her hand. She slipped it out of my grasp and turned away. My stomach twisted with guilt
“Why have you never invited me to your house?” she asked. “Are you ashamed of me?”
“No,” I immediately said and took her hand firmly in mine. This time, when she tried to pull away, I didn’t let her. “Why would I be ashamed of you?”
Her eyes brimmed with tears. “Because…”
She squeezed her eyes shut, and now the tears slipped out. My heart ached. “Because of my — because I can’t–”
I understood immediately and for the first time ever, pulled her into a tight embrace. I felt her tears soak my shirt and cursed myself for making her cry.
“No,” I said firmly. “I am not ashamed of you for that. I will never be, Charlotte. I hate myself for making you feel that way. I’m sorry.”
“Then why?” she mumbled into my shirt.
“Because.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “My life isn’t as perfect as yours. You live in a big mansion with your successful parents and brother. I live alone with Maeve, who can barely keep the house afloat while having to take care of me.”
Charlotte pulled away with a frown. “We’re best friends, Jess. I want to get to know about you and Maeve. I want to see — ah, be in your bedroom too. I want to know everything about you.”
My heart was pumping so wildly that I was afraid she would be able to hear it. I had never had this feeling before, and it terrified me.
“You’re right,” I said. “I haven’t been as open with you. I’m sorry.”
I thought about my deal with her dad, and now more than ever, the guilt was pressing down on me. I knew now that my friendship with her was real despite how it started, and I had the inkling that I cared for her more deeply than a best friend would.
“Lets go to my house,” I said, then. If our friendship had started off with deception, then now I was going to open it to realness. I would let her know all of me.
“Are you sure?” she asked. “I don’t want to unless you’re sure you want me there.”
“I’m sure,” I said and without thinking, reached up to wipe away her remaining tears. Her eyes fluttered shut.
“Okay,” she whispered.
I forced myself to step away and take her hand. She laced her fingers through mine and smiled now.
—–
The drive to my house was about half an hour, and my body brimmed with nerves as I drove. Charlotte sat in the passenger seat, quiet and content. It was her first time in my car, and I had forgotten how messy it was. For the first time, I was glad she couldn’t see as I threw a bunch of my mess into the backseat to make room for her.
“Nice car,” she had said while climbing into the passenger seat.
I had opened my mouth instinctively to thank her, but then realization struck. I then shot her a glare. “You’re such a bitch.”
She had laughed lightly and buckled in.
Now, I was pulling up to the house, and my heart hammered when I saw Maeve’s car in the driveway. She probably had a night shift at the restaurant today.
“We’re here?” Charlotte asked and sat up.
“Yeah.”
I got out of the car and went over to her side to help her off. Then, my hand in hers, I guided her to the door.
The house smelled like food when we entered, and I found Maeve in the kitchen, cooking.
She glanced back towards me. “Oh, hey. I’m making some spaghetti for–”
Then Maeve took a double-take and spun around. Her eyes widened in shock. “And who’s this?”
My face flushed with heat. “This is Charlotte. She’s my friend from school.”
Charlotte loosened her hand in mine and stepped in the direction of Maeve’s voice, her eyes searching. “Hi Maeve. I’m actually Jess’s best friend. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Maeve burst into a grin and stepped forward to take Charlotte’s hand in hers and squeezed it comfortingly. My heart lurched forward at the sight.
“Charlotte, it’s so wonderful to meet you. I was beginning to think Jess would never make a friend,” Maeve said.
I rolled my eyes and shoved myself between them. “Alright, alright. That’s enough shit-talking.”
Maeve and Charlotte shared a laugh.
“It’s a good thing I made a huge portion of spaghetti,” Maeve said. “I have a late shift tonight, but please help yourself with some for dinner.”
I turned towards Maeve, remembering. “Oh, we’re not–”
“I would love some,” Charlotte interrupted.
I looked at Charlotte, stunned, but Maeve didn’t notice. She smiled in response. “Jess, why don’t you show her your room? Dinner will be finished soon, but eat whenever you’re ready.”
“Thank you, Maeve,” Charlotte said.
I took her hand in mine and pulled her towards my bedroom.
“It was nice to meet you, Charlotte!”
Charlotte and I stepped into my bedroom, and I closed the door shut behind me.
“Are you seriously going to eat dinner twice?” I asked amusingly.
“What’s stopping me?” she retorted.
“Your small appetite.”
“Hey, it’s not that small!”
“You can barely finish a sandwich.”
She crossed her arms but smiled. “Well, I can do it.”
“Sure.”
Then silence fell over us. It started to hit me, then, that we were in my room, and it was a complete mess. Clothes were strewn all over the bed and floor, along with half-drunken water bottles and paper.
“Sorry, my room is a mess,” I said awkwardly.
“Is it?” She pretended to look around. “Looks fine to me.”
“Shut up,” I muttered as I began to pick up some of the clothes off the bed.
Charlotte laughed. “Come on. Describe your room for me.”
Once my bed was clear of clothes, I guided Charlotte to it, and she sat down. “It’s really, really messy.”
“And?”
I tossed my clothes into a pile in the corner of the room. The laundry basket in my closet was full of clothes already.
“And it’s cramped,” I continued. “The door is across from where you’re sitting. My closet is to your left. I have a desk and chair on your right. My guitar is next to my desk.”
“Ooh, can I touch your guitar?”
I grabbed it and placed it in her hands. As she felt around the guitar, I sat down next to her.
“It feels smooth,” she said. Her fingers trailed down the strings, and she plucked it gently.
“Maeve got it for me last Christmas,” I said. “It’s the first real gift I had ever received from anyone.”
“She’s a really great person.”
“I know.” I looked down at my hands. “I don’t deserve her.”
Charlotte frowned. “What makes you say that?”
“When I first came here, I treated her like shit,” I admitted. “I lashed out at her and called her names. I broke stuff. I was a bitch, but still, she didn’t give me up.”
“That just means she cares about you a lot,” Charlotte said. “She understands that you’ve been through a lot.”
“I still shouldn’t have acted like that.”
“Right.” She nodded. “You shouldn’t have, but we can’t help how we act sometimes when we’re in pain. The only thing we can do is recognize our mistakes and try to change.”
I looked at her in surprise. “Whoa, when did you get so deep?”
She smiled sheepishly. “Let’s just say I haven’t always been the golden child.”
“Who says you’re the golden child?” I teased.
Charlotte gave me a shove, and I laughed.
That night, Charlotte did eat two dinners even though she finished none of them. Daniel had not joined for dinner with his family due to work, and I was glad for it.
Several weeks of summer flew by, uneventful. I spent half of them at Charlotte’s house, and for the other half, she spent them at mine. The more time I spent with her, the stronger my feelings grew.
Thoughts of her consumed me whenever she wasn’t around, and even when she was, my stomach fluttered constantly. The guitar she gifted me sat in the corner of my room. It was a reminder of her, but also a reminder of my deal with Daniel.
I had seen him at the house a couple of times, but he had barely said a word to me except for polite greetings. It was like the deal never existed.
Then there was James. Ever since that day in the bedroom, he had continued to give me strange looks as if he knew something I didn’t. My discomfort grew around him, but Charlotte, of course, wasn’t aware of it. I didn’t want to concern her with something that even I wasn’t sure about.
I tried to ignore him most of the time, but then it was in the middle of June that something happened.
It had been my first sleepover at their house, and I had been nervous the entire night, thinking about sleeping in the same bed with Charlotte. We had spent the night watching a variety of movies in her bedroom, and by the fourth movie, she had fallen asleep. Her hair had fallen all over her face, and I brushed them away gently.
I had decided to go drink some water before heading to bed, and it was past midnight when I stood in the kitchen, gulping down water. After I finished, I turned to leave and almost jumped out of my skin when I saw James standing at the entry way, staring at me.
“Geez, you scared the fuck out of me!” I exclaimed.
He was dressed in outside clothes, and from where I stood, he smelled like liquor.
“Where’s Charlotte?” he slurred.
“She’s sleeping upstairs,” I answered and moved to walk past him, but he stepped into my path.
I stumbled into his chest, and he grabbed my arms to steady me, or rather, himself. He was swaying, and as I looked up at him, I saw that his eyes were bloodshot.
“Careful there,” he chuckled. “Almost knocked me off my feet.”
A core memory came to me then, and I tried to pull away but his grip remained strong. “James, let me go.”
“Say, you and Charlotte are pretty close,” he said, ignoring me. “Too close.”
“You’re drunk,” I said as calmly as I could. “We can talk about this in the morning.”
“I see the way you look at her,” he leered. “Like you’re in love with her or something.”
“I’m not,” I said stiffly, even though my heart was pounding.
“Oh yeah?”
I nodded.
Then, to my relief, he let go of my arms and stepped back. I brushed past him and resisted the urge to run back to Charlotte’s room.
“Stay away from my sister,” he said as I walked away. “I don’t care what you are, but she’s not a lesbian.”
My ears were roaring, and it tuned out the rest of what he said. When I made it back into the room, I laid on the edge of the bed, my heart hammering loudly. I didn’t sleep that night.
The morning after, James wasn’t at breakfast, to my relief. When I finally saw him in the afternoon, he was suffering a hangover, but he didn’t give any indication that he remembered what happened the night before.
I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or nervous, but from then on, I didn’t spend another night at Charlotte’s. Whenever she invited me, I always gave an excuse.
By the middle of July, though, I had run out of excuses when she and her family invited me for a weekend camping trip.
“Please,” Charlotte pleaded. “We haven’t gone on a trip together at all.”
I thought about the weekend with Daniel and James there and grew queasy.
“I just hate camping,” I said. “There’s so many bugs, and it’s too hot.”
Truthfully, I had never gone camping before, but none of the things I listed sounded fun either. I hated the heat, and I hated bugs more.
“I hate camping too, so we can suffer together.”
“No, you don’t,” I sighed. “You’ve been looking forward to this.”
She groaned. “Yeah, well, I’ll hate it because you’re not there, and I’ll be stuck with James’s annoying ass.”
“You’ll be fine without me.”
“No, I won’t.”
“Charlotte.”
“Jess.”
——
I ended up not winning and on July 17th, 2014, I packed my bags into their RV and went on the camping trip with them.
We came back on July 19th, 2014.
The last time I saw Charlotte was September 2nd, 2014.
I wouldn’t meet her again until July 12th, 2024.