The following is the true story of how I was raped and abused in fifth grade by an older cousin, but the grooming and such started much earlier, when I was not quite a first grader. I’m still fuzzy on the dates/correct sequence of events, my therapist said that’s common, but this is how I remember it.
I had just started kindergarten that year when my uncle and aunt came to stay during the Christmas holiday, and they brought my aunt’s son (so cousin by marriage) too. After dinner, when myself and all the neighborhood kids were playing football, he came out joined. He said his penis hurt during the football game, and he had to sit out. I didn’t know what he was talking about, so I asked him afterward. He flashed his flaccid cock at me and said a little kid had kicked him. That night after our parents were asleep, he and my older brother (15) were playing NES, and I watched till I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up to him lying next to me on the couch.
I snuggled in because I was quite young, and he woke up slightly and pulled me in. I wiggled a bunch and felt a hard lump, and reached down to move it. That’s when he woke up and grabbed my arm so tight that it stung. He asked what I was doing, and I said something was all lumpy. He let go of my wrist and laughed. Then pulled out his erect penis and told me I woke it up. I laughed and poked it; it wiggled in response. I did this and grabbed it for several minutes till he quickly pulled his shorts up while making a low grunting noise. Then I went and got dressed and ate breakfast. Then they all left after Christmas, and I thought nothing of it because, to me, it wasn’t sexual. Looking back now, I know that I inadvertently and innocently gave him a hand job and made him ejaculate on my couch.
That became a game we played every time I saw him the next couple of years. I’d get hugged, called a good girl, and sit in his lap all evening wiggling getting his cock hard so we could play the hand game. I never got to see him cum; he always did it in his hand in his shorts. I just got to squeeze, pulls, and touch his cock and feel him flex it in my hand. The harder the flex, the better I was doing, and I, of course, wanted to be the best.
I never realized it was told by him that it was wrong or needed to be a secret or anything, so I never told anyone because, in my eyes, it was just a game I played with my cousin. Then it was the Summer before 5th grade, he was 20/21, and I was 10. We were at my uncle’s property, and it was attached to an auto-wrecking company yard. My cousin told me all about this camper in the back near a hole in the fence that he and his friends had been having parties in.
I was so excited to see it and play our game, but today was different and when it all changed. We crawled through the hole in the chainlink fence, and he helped me into the pickup truck bed trailer. It was musty and had empty beer cans around. Then he kissed me with his tongue, and I pushed him off and yelled at him, telling him it was gross he was my cousin. I got a speech about how we weren’t related because my uncle wasn’t his real dad and that he was in love with me and wanted to marry me— being ten, I romanticized the idea of “love,” and I knew I loved him already because he was family. So I kissed him back. He grabbed and pinched my nipples which were flat against my skin because I had zero breast tissue developed at that time. Then he said we can’t tell people we’re in love because no one would understand; he said I understood because I would be his wife. I hugged and said, of course. Then he said he would show me what wives do for their husbands, and I was ecstatic until he told me I had to suck his penis.
He pulled it out and said to play our game but when it starts flexing a lot, then start licking the tip like an ice cream cone while slurping the tip. I was nervous but did what I was told so I could be a good wife. So I grabbed his penis with both hands and moved up and down while squeezing and getting the results of flexing, all while being told I was a good bride to be. Then he said it was time to start using my mouth, so I did, and he started playing the flexing game on himself. I was using my smallmouth the best I could to lick and slurp like a dripping ice cream cone, but it was hard, but he told me, good girl, over and over until he made the grunting noise and held my head down, so my mouth covered the tip and shot warm, bitter-tasting thick liquid in my mouth which I coughed out from the force. I started to cry and say I didn’t want to be a wife if we had to do that abs said I would ask my mom if she did it.
That’s why I got slapped across my face and told that I had engaged in sexual activities and wasn’t married (raised Catholic, so this was suddenly a huge deal). He’d tell the whole family and our church about it, so if I wanted to become a whore in front of everyone, that was my choice. I sobbed and said, if course not, I wanted God to love me. He then told me to marry him right now so it wouldn’t be a sin and that it would continue to be our secret. I hugged and kissed him, saying thank you. He “performed” a ceremony in front of god with me, and I was his wife. We went back to my uncles for dinner, and I was so excited to know I had a husband, even a secret one.
The next few days, I kept giving him blow jobs in the trailer, and he continued to tell me that I was his loving wife who served her husband so well. I even started to like the taste of his liquid, and he said I was becoming a real wife because I loved every part of him. He continued to caress my body and such, becoming more and more adventurous with his hands and mouth. I went home for a couple of weeks but was coming back to spend most of August there, and he told me he was so excited to have his wife return to him.
When I returned, I couldn’t wait to get back to my duties! Only to find out he had other plans. That day we played, and he said he would show me what husbands do and pulled my dress up and my tiny panties off. He then put his mouth on me and swirled it everywhere, making me moan in delight. My body was feeling things I didn’t know could happen- my body began to stiffen, and my whole area became so warm. I didn’t know what happened, but I got told I pleased my husband, and as a reward, he was going to put his penis inside me; he had a bottle of clear stuff and squirted it all over my crotch and on his penis. He said if I loved him, I would let him do what he needs because he’s the husband, and I’m here to serve him. He started to force his penis inside, and old got a little way before I started crying, and he said I love you, and this will hurt, but God made me for him, and that’s what I’m for. With my trust of his words and resolve in god, I allowed it to continue. He only got a little past the tip before his liquid shot in me, providing warmth and calming. He pulled out, told me I was his good girl, and then licked my area again till it was clean, and I said it felt a little better. He said we’re going to start training me to be his perfect “perfect” wife, so every other day, I would suck his penis and use more and more tongue and mouth on him, and then on the other days, he’d force more of his penis in me all while making my body stiffen and tingle daily. By the end of August, his whole penis was going into me with “ease” of lube, and he made my body stiffen from his penis and fingers.
Then I had to go home because 5th grade was starting. I was so excited to go back to school. At home, I began jumping pillows and my teddy bear’s noses at night to make my body stiffen as he did.
I have more stories, but that is how it started.
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