Middle School sucks, and when I got home, i could hear mom getting pounded in her bedroom. So, i took a cigarette out to smoke. #Buli
On the outside steps, it says [Fire Escape] on the door at the end of the hall, but it’s just stairs on the outside.
Then, this girl said “Uh!” and her name isn’t Karen, but that’s just the kind of girl she is. So, she asked me what i was doing out on the landing, and i showed her the butt. “You want a drag?”
“Uh, how old are you?”
“None of your business!”
“Well, you’re not supposed to be smoking.”
“So what, you’re not my dad.”
“Well, if I was, I’d.”
“What? Fuck me too?”
“Uh!” That shut her up, but she just ran past me, and I thought she’d bust me for smoking, but she went and told the manager to call the cops.
Not on me, she told them my “Stepdad” raped me, when he’s not even my stepdad, there not even married! So, i wound up letting the cop nurse (Did you know the police had nurses?) give me a rape kit, just to prove i’m still a virgin, but because i said i didn’t want to press charges without any evidence, they had to let me go.
Honestly, i got picked on enough at school, and the funny thing is, they didn’t even say anything that’s true. I tried not to let it get to me, but it’s just pretty typical middle school bullying.
You know, 8th graders picking on 7th graders when they’re only a year older, as if now that they’re technically teenagers that makes them knowitalls or something, when they don’t even know me, so they just make up stuff to say, whether it’s true or not, they don’t care.
So, i started smoking, big deal. It’s not like i’m going to get addicted, or cancer, and i can always quit later when i’m a little older. I just need something to steady my nerves, and if i wanted to, i could start drinking instead, but I don’t like the way that made me feel. Like people actually get drunk, and like it?
So then, the very next day she came home from school, and came up the back steps, but when she saw me there, she actually stopped, and said “I’m sorry.”
“Well, what did you go and start a rumor that i’m a slut for anyway?”
“I didn’t, you’re the one who told me your father fucked you.”
“No i didn’t, and he’s not even my father.”
“I know, I’m sorry, I just.” Her hands shook, and she balled them up in fists.
“Here.” I handed her my butt, “Looks like you need this more then me.”
“Huh!” She looked around (Fat lot of good that did, because there’s nothing to see there, except the backs of the other buildings, and more stairways jus like this one.) She coughed, but then said “Thanks.” Then, she started asking me where i got the cigarettes from, and if i had a cigarette?
“Yeah.” I waved the butt. “See?”
“Quit fucking around, okay?”
“Okay.” I let her finish it, and since the high school bus dropped her off right after me, i started getting 2 of them after school. One for her, and 1 for me, so we didn’t have to share one, and we could smoke, and talk about our problems.
Petty little bullshit problems, but it turns out she’s a freshman. So she’s pretty much in the exact same boat as me, only i have 1 year of being an 8th grader to look forward to before i have to go through it all over again in high school.
So then, she started talking about boys, and how they look at her, but she can’t tell whether they want to kiss her, or rape her, but they never come up, and talk to her. So, she’s afraid that it’s the ladder, and now she’s starting to get nightmares, and “Huh!” She took another drag, and her fingers shook when the let it out of her mouth. “Huh!”
“What?”
“Well?” She turned away, so she could talk to the 2 1/2 storeys of air, and the next stairwell over, maybe 20′ across the alley? “I guess, I started, you know.”
“Masturbating?” She looked back, so i nodded. “Yeah. I know.” So, i started telling her about Bert. “He never touched me, he never even looked at me that way, but it seems like every day I get home from school to hear them porking away.”
“Well, they’re just married, so.”
“No they’re not, they’re not even engaged.” He’s just her boyfriend, but she didn’t have no where else to go after dad kicked her out, so she moved in with him.
“But still. You’ve only been living here for what, a couple months?”
“Yeah, since the divorce.” I am NOT going into my mom, and real dad’s divorce.
“So, maybe that’s why you keep cutting your hair, and changing your name. First it was Milly, then Tilly, and now it’s Maud.”
“No? I just don’t know who I am, and everyone keeps telling me to be myself, but I don’t even know who that is!”
“Well, what’s wrong with Matilde?”
“Nothing, it’s just this. Well, it’s silly, honestly it’s like this stupid fairy tail.”
“Oh, so you are like Natalie Portman in that French movie.”
“What? No, what movie?”
“Her first one, Leone: The Professional?”
“No? Wait, her name is The Professional?”
“No, his name is. I mean, he just says it once, he’s a professional, a cleaner?”
“Uh, so that’s why they call me a prostitot at school. You mean they’ve just been saying that because I look like Natalie Portman in some stupid movie?”
“Well, you don’t really look like her at all.”
“I know, right? She’s old, like. 30, or maybe even 40?” Those Star Wars movies sure were a long time ago.
So finally, she took me up to her apartment on the top floor, and showed me what she was talking about. Just watch the movie, it’s really worth it, but in case you’re wondering, no. I don’t look like Natalie Portman at all. Even if i did cut my hair short in bangs, because it got hot in summer, and that kept it off my neck.
It feels kinda silly now, acting like my life is so horrible, after seeing her. I mean her whole family was killed by crooked cops, while i just. Well, i could go see my dad, and brothers any time i wanted. I guess i just put it off, because the divorce was nasty, and there was a lot of yelling, so went back over there to visit, and it was just weird.
Without my mom there, i guess. There was something different about how the guys were so nice to me, and i should have been happy with that, but for some reason, even spending my night in my old room. My little brother’s room now, and nothing happened, because he’s like 6, but now he’s got his own room, and i don’t even know why i had nitemares, but it drove me nuts, so i went back home.
Funny how the apartments didn’t really feel like home to me, until i went back to my old house, so now it just smells weird, and believe it or not, i even felt homesick for that shitty little apartment. I think I’m going insane, but i don’t really have anyone to talk to about this stuff here. So, i guess i felt a little better writing it down instead.
God i wish dad, or my older brother smoked, or knew sombody that smokes, though.
;
“Sharon” (Alias. Names are changed to protect the guilty.)
“You got an extra cigarette?”
“No, my pack only came with 20, and where’s your girlfriend?”
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“Well, how come she cut her hair, and started dressing like a dyke?”
“Because she’s going through a tough time, and you gonna finish that?”
“Yeah,” he just handed me the butt, and went back upstairs.
“Huh!” I was niccing hard, so I took a drag, and held it in, like it was a pot joint or something. “Maud.”
It turns out she’s “Black Irish,” and not Mexican, or Italian. Also, she’s not named after a princess, but Empress Matilde, a renegade queen from this Civil War in England, but they don’t call it the English Civil War, because she’s a woman, and kind of a badass. They just call it “The Anarchy,” like that’s more specific, but she even had a silver penny with her face on it. Well, her mom does in this teeny tiny class case, and the name (Maud) across the top, because they couldn’t fit Matilde on a penny, I guess.
You can barely make it out, because it’s old, and tiny, but it’s real silver, and tarnished so you can’t make out her face either, but it makes her hair look black with silver streaks in it, of course. Real silver with a patina, but it turns out she wasn’t copying Mathilde from that movie at all. She was copying Queen Maud from her mother’s silver penny.
I bet she could sell it for a lot of money, but then I ran into Albert checking his mail by the office. “Hey, is that your daughter sucking dick on the stairs?”
“What the?” He headed up all the way to the door to the roof, so I laughed, and caught up with him. He just jerked on the knob. “It’s locked.”
I pulled a rubber out of his purse, and dropped it in the corner, so I could look over. Bend down and pick it up. “Well, she must have finished, but she dropped this.” I held it up, and read (durex) on the side, then turned it around. “Is this your brand?”
“No,” he took it anyway, “You little whore.”
“Ha, I’m not a whore.” At least not yet, “I’m a virgin, but even if I was, you couldn’t afford a hand job from me.” I jerked an imaginary dick in front of him, but ever since Maddy told me about him banging the shit out of her mom every day after school, I wondered. Is it really that big? I mean, after she had 3 kids, and a husband, it must take a pretty big one to satisfy a woman like that, right?
He got out his wallet, and tucked the rubber in for later. Not like I payed for it, or had a boyfriend to use it on in the first place, but he pulled out a $5.00 bill. I shook my head, but bit my lip, and backed into the corner, when he stood up close. Looking down at me, and breathing on my hair, so I could smell the sweat on his shirt, and almost feel his body heat so close to me. “Huh, well how about $15 bucks?” He touched my bra, and I pushed his hand off.
“Show me the money first.” I would have done it for free, just to see this big dick I heard so much about, but he just pulled out another 4 singles. “I’m a little short, but I can get another $10 later.”
“Okay,” I took the money, and stuck it in my purse, while he unzipped his pants, and flopped it out. It wasn’t anything like I imagined, for one thing it wasn’t even hard, but I picked it up anyway, and felt the warm blood pump in, while he bent his knees, and stuck them in the corner to hold my hips, humping my hands when I stuck my fingers in his shorts to feel his balls while I pumped him harder.
A little bigger, and I guess it’s my fault I’m so disappointed. I’ve been watching a lot of porn, and getting into some pretty rough ones, even knowing it’s fake. He’s not her real stepdad, and she’s just pretending. No daddy, stop, you’re hurting me, nowm! MH!
“HhuhHhuh huh uh!” He humped my hands a couple more times, then pulled his shorts up so it slipped back in. Soft, but satisfied, and still dripping. “Worth every penny.” He kissed my cheek, and zipped up, but then he stopped on the stairs while I was busty looking at the wet mess all over the front of my dress.
“Matty wasn’t the one turning tricks at all, was she?”
I shook my head, “You better get me the $11 bucks you owe me tomorrow, and is it Matty, or Maddy?”
“Matty, it’s short for Matilde.” I knew that, but I thought better of telling him we knew each other, at all. “Karen, right?”
“Uh!” I rolled my eyes, “No, Sharon?” Why do people keep calling me that? Just because it rhymes, Sharon doesn’t even sound like Karen unless you’re some kind of retard.
“Okay, Sharon. I just have to run by the bank real quick.”
“How much would you pay me for a blow job?”
“How does $50 sound?”
“Great! You have yourself a deal.” Now, I’m a whore, officially, and you know what? It doesn’t even feel that bad, compared to some of my worst nitemares. Well, my hottest wettest dreams, they started out nightmares, but then I decided that I’d rather feel pleasure than afraid. That someone might grab me on the stairwell, grope me, and bend me over the railing to fuck me roughly, then push me over so I fall to my death, just a dead hooker in the alley, no one cares.
“Huh!” Weird, I always woke up right before I hit the ground, but then again, it never felt so real just daydreaming about it, especially in the wrong stairway, but I better think of some way to cover up these cum stains so my daddy doesn’t catch me when I get home, all covered in cum.
“Snh!” That would be bad, but. I better wash my hands before I get my fingers even wetter, and make myself pregnant. That would be bad too, when I don’t even have to blackmail Albert for sex, or money, now that I know he’s willing to pay me $50 bucks for the privilege of sucking him off all over my face.
“Huh!” Now it’s all over my face. So, I sucked my thumb, and just rubbed my panties through my dress until it dried up. Maybe I can say it’s just mayonnaise? “Smup, suck it you dirty little wore oh! Guh khuh!” Maybe it’s too soon to try deep throating, or maybe I just need more practice, so I can do it without puking. “Rulgh! Gahlgh! Spt!”
Ew, I forgot we had Tacos on lunch. Of course, it’s a Tuesday. School tacos too, so it barely tasted better going down, but I got an idea, and wiped it on the front of my dress. “Hurk!” It was gross, but it covered up the cum stains, so I can tell dad, “I’m sick.”
Yeah, that’s all it is. I must have caught a stomach bug. I’m not sucking dick for money in the stairwell at all.
At least not yet…
;
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