A long story short: I molested a 6 year old boy, when I was 11, and I didn’t find out that I wasn’t a pedophile, until middle school.
I’m a child molester, that doesn’t change what I’d done, and I’m ashamed of myself for doing it, as I should be. I tried to manipulate him into keeping “Our little secret,” but he asked my brother if it was okay to have sex with me, because they’re friends.
He got upset, because he was still starting that whole “Girls are gross” stage, but he didn’t tell mom, and dad I gave his friend the cooties. That ended our relationship, but I was just barely sexual myself. I scared myself, once I found out what I’m capable of. So I avoided boys (Including my brother) all together.
I can’t control myself, I’m a sex addict, so I can’t say no, nor take no for an answer. It’s not even sex, really. I mean, it can lead to real sex, if they’re adults, but for a while there I just stuck a mental [Keep away from Children] sticker on my forehead.
That only lasted until Back to School, because there were boys there. My age, 11, or 12 if they already had their birthdays. Even teenage 8th graders, but they’re like Seniors. They wouldn’t have anything to do with “Freshmen,” which is bullshit, but no more so than say 4th graders saying girls have “Cooties.”
So, the 7th graders were too balless to talk to girls, the girls got together to talk about boys, and a black girl said something about “The Weebies.”
“Webelos?”
“No, stupid. Those were back in like 4th, and 5th grade, look.” She pointed. “We be chillin.”
“Oh! Weebies!” I nodded. I didn’t want to say the usual term Wiggers, because she’s black, and my friend. “Well, what about them?”
“Well, they got a bad case of jungle fever, so they want this booty.”
“Oh yeah? Well some of them are kinda cute.”
“I know, right?” We giggled, but that just reminded me. My little brother just started Cub Scouts. So he wanted to camp out every night, and even set up his pop tent in his bed every night. When he wasn’t “Camping out” in the back yard, so I had to watch him, and make sure he didn’t burn the house down. The little pyro, but you know.
“I like Boy Scouts.” I finally told her.
“Why?”
“Because they pitch a tent.”
“Oh, so you can go camping with them, and if it gets cold you can share a sleeping bag to snuggle in, right?”
“Oh, hahah, no.” But I had thought about that, too. Since my first victim brought a sleeping bag to spend the night, but it was summer. So, they just slept on them with all their clothes on. I had to lean over and whisper, “I mean they pitch a tent, in their pants?” I had to give her the thumbs up in my lap for her to get it.
“Oh, huh!” She got it, “Right?” She’s Canadian, but she says “Right?” instead of “Eh?” It’s like the Canadian period, or exclamation mark. She doesn’t say “Yeh,” or “Aite” like an inner city American accent, though. I guess that’s why she hates Weebies so much, because they’re really suburban, but they try to act ghetto. Even though they’re white, and they’d run straight outta Compton quick before they got shot. She doesn’t talk white though, she’s just Canadian.
I guess I just had to talk about it out loud, to really think about it. It helped to have a friend to explain it to, so I can understand it myself. My sexuality still developing, and her too, we just have different problems. The black kids don’t like her cuz she Canadian, and the only white boys that like her are posers with Jungle Fever.
So anyways, the Boy Scouts wore their uniforms to school. On Fridays, since that’s when they had meetings after school. So, I started hanging out with them, and trying to get invited to camp out with them. They got picked on a lot, mostly by 8th graders which is stupid, because you know they all carry knives, right?
Yeah, pocket knives, and they can’t bring them to school with them, but a knife is still a knife. I’m just saying, pick on someone who doesn’t know how to use a knife. I guess I decided they were safe, but of course ever since she said the thing about sharing a sleeping bag out loud. That became my favorite fantasy, after “Pitching a tent” in his pants.
Of course, the answer was “No, it’s Boy Scouts. That’s why they have Girl Scouts,” so they wouldn’t invite me to their little club.
“Well, Girl Scouts is stupid, all they do is sell cookies.” For all I knew, I wasn’t a girl scout, and I didn’t even know any. “They don’t even bake them, they just buy them from the factory, and sell them door to door.”
“Yeah, what’s up with that?”
“I don’t know, I’m not a girl scout. I just like hiking, and camping. Sitting around the campfire, and telling stories. My brother’s into that, so he got me into that.”
“Well, too bad. That uniform is hot.”
“The girl scout uniform?”
“Yeah!”
“Huh!” So, I went over to the Girl Scout table, on lunch. We had girls scouts too, but they had their own club, and I went to ask them about what that’s all about. As if I cared, but it was a lot easier to talk them into letting me come over to hang out. Do makeovers, and dressup, it was all my idea, so I told them. “You know, I always liked the uniform? I just never got my mom to let me join up. You mind if I try this on?”
“Well, you’re lucky. I didn’t even like scouting. My mom made me do it, but if you want it so bad, sure. Take it.” She didn’t have to do it any more, because she turned 13, but she still hung out with all her friends in scouts. So, it didn’t really fit me, but oh well. I guessed I could grow into it?
So, that’s how I seduced Billy. He was a big time scouting nerd, and he wanted all the merit badges. He bragged about all the ones he earned, and his goal in life was to become an Eagle Scout. So, of course he wanted to marry a Girl Scout, and have lots of kids in boy scouts, and girl scouts. Honestly, it’s more annoying than boring, but that uniform got me in the tent.
“So, you want to camp out this weekend?” I asked him.
“With you? Sure, let me call my mom.” He had to use the office phone, because he didn’t have $0.50 for the payphones after lunch. It also pissed off the Girl Scouts, since I wore the uniform to school when I’m not a real girl scout, but what’s the big deal? It’s just a green skirt, and a top with a clover on it, instead of a Fleur de Lis.
So then his mom picked us up, and took me out to dinner, while he was in the meeting. She had a glass of wine, and got me an ice cream, but I guess it really is one of those “No girls allowed” kinda clubs.
“Oh, don’t take it personally. So, you’re a bit of a tomboy?”
“No, just because I like nature, and the woods. It’s not like nature is a boys only thing, but he promised to take me out hiking, and camping tonight.”
“Okay, that’s fine, but do you have any camping gear?”
“No, not really but my brother has a tent I can borrow.” Sort of, I mean it’s pretty much a toy that’s shaped like a tent.
“That’s okay, we have an extra tent you can have. It’s an old one, but it should do for tonight.” I just left it in the car, but she didn’t even ask me if I had a change of clothes or not. All I had were my gym clothes, which were sweaty from learning track. (Right, because we’re going to have a pop quiz on running. So, you have to teach girls how to run, or we might not get a good grade on the test. Stupid.)
So anyways, that sure was a lot of loopholes to jump through, but I really did enjoy the hike. “This is my favorite spot.” he dropped his pack, and started getting everything out. “Why don’t you look around?”
“Okay,” he carried all the stuff, and did all the work setting up camp, but there wasn’t much to look at. Just a stream that wrapped around this little peninsula. It used to be an island, until the stream dried up, and it went around for some reason, but I guess it was like a sandy beach?
Only instead of waves, it had water trickling, so I went around the corner, and popped a squat. Took a piss, and while I had my panties down. I splashed water to wash the piss out, but even though it was cold. I just had my first date, spent half of it with his Mother, but if I’m going to make until morning.
I didn’t know that he could get it up, just looking at me topless, because the only other boy I’d ever been with was a little boy. So, the best time to touch him was in his sleep. That was the only way I knew how to get a boy up, because I started out molesting a 6 year old.
“Huh!” I just relaxed, and let my hair fall back against the dirt. “HhuhHhuh!” Shivered when the heat finally ran down my legs, and up my twitching tummy. “HhuhHhuh!” I learned how not to moan, and just breathe until the pleasure faded to a nice pleasant glow. “Whew!” I just splashed water to rinse it out, and dried myself on my skirt. Pulled my panties up, and went out to grab some sticks.
Figuring he’d ask me where I’d run off to, but I couldn’t flush the toilet to signal that I was in the bathroom, to use it as a bathroom. So, I brought back firewood, and dumped it on the pile he already gathered.
He just kept cranking his Swiss Army Knife in the top of a can. “Well, I’ve got baked beans, or beans and franks.”
“Well, why don’t you mix them up?” I wasn’t hungry, but we already ate. I had a fire to poke with a stick, until it started getting dark. I sat up, with my knees spread, so the skirt rode up, and he could see my lavender underwear. (It matches the uniform top.) He looked, but he didn’t stare, he smiled a little guilty, then looked back down to take another bite of his beans.
“Huh,” I got up, “Well, I hope you don’t mind, but I didn’t bring any night clothes.” I took off my top, and he stood up. Started turning away, “Oh, no.” But he popped wood as soon as he saw me topless. In a pair of panties, and a skirt, but I stopped him before he wandered off.
“It’s okay.” I felt down his shoulder to his arm, and pushed the sleeve up to brush the bare back of it with my nipple. “You can look.”
He turned around, and touched too, so I went right for his boner. He wasn’t big, but a damned sight bigger than any 6 year old! “Oh!” I kissed him, because I’m taller, a nympho, and opportunistic sexual predator, but I didn’t know all that, yet. They don’t teach about female sex offenders in school. I just knew that I could get away with it. Finally, I had a boy who could tell his friends, and he’d get high 5s, because he’s 11 like me, and the best part is, he’s still shooting blanks.
So, I didn’t have to worry about birth control, or sucking him off. The first time, I just jerked him off with one hand, fingering myself with the other to make sure. After we took all our clothes off, we got in the tent but that was too hot. So, I kicked him out, and threw the sleeping bag out. So I could lay down, and he could sit on top of me. Right on my chest, so his bare butt cheeks pressed down my tips, and I could get my hand back in my panties.
I licked it, but I couldn’t kiss, let alone suck it. I could put my other arm up, and pinch it awkwardly. 3 fingers across the top, which was the most I ever got to use, because it was the biggest dick I had to play with for real, but once I got my thumb wet. I could rub it up and down the bottom, around the head, especially the little split in the bottom, until his butt clenched, and he started shaking.
“Uh, huh! Cum for me, cum all over my face.” He just squealed, but it was a dry orgasm, so I licked my lips.
“I’m sorry,” he got down to cuddle me. “I’m not ejaculating yet, but I bet I will, any day now.”
“That’s okay,” he was so eager to please, but I told myself, “That’s a good thing. That means we can do it, and not get me pregnant.” He nodded, and cuddled with me, until he fell asleep. By the fire, he snored, but he woke up when I moved my arm. To get my hand down my panties, and finish myself off.
“Oh, can I help you do that?”
“You can try.”
“Well, take your underwear off.” He got down between my legs, and tried to eat me out, but I had to give him directions. My first boyfriend took a couple months to really get the hang of it, but I didn’t mind. Actually, I was satisfied earlier, just rubbing one out by the creek, because I already got what I wanted.
A boy, and it actually helps that he’s a virgin. No matter what age, because guys get cocky when they get laid. They think they know how to do everything, and you have to teach them. Well, all of them, it’s not like a dick. Boys are simple, a dick is a dick, but girls are more complicated.
So, you have to pay attention, and listen to us. A virgin will do that, while one of those pick-up guys, all they care about padding out their score. I’m just another lay to them, but to a virgin, their first time. I’m the most important person in his life.
I’m glad I got to have dinner with his mom, before I took his heart away from her.
Of course, he woke up with morning wood. So, I could seal the deal, by fucking him the first time. That’s another thing about boys that age: They let me be on top.
;
“Peg.” (Group. Dr/Patients, Privilege)
“Huh, hi. I’m Peg, well. It’s anonymous, so I had an aunt Maggy, but she changed her name to Peg when she came out, and moved in with her girlfriend.”
“High Peg.”
“I’m not gay, but I guess I had some bisexual experiences, because I couldn’t say no.”
“The first step is admitting you have a problem.”
“I know, I know, but do I have to my first meeting?”
“No, it takes time.”
“I know I have a problem, but I’m not sure exactly what it is. If I knew that, I could get it fixed.”
“Not really. The recidivism rate for sex offenders is close enough to 100% but why don’t you start with why you’re here?”
“In jail?”
“It’s a matter of public record now, so you might as well share.”
“Huh, well. Rape, but it was just statutory rape, because he was technically underage, and I turned 16, so I was technically more than 5 years older, but only for a few months.”
“So, he’s 11.”
“Almost 12, and now I’m technically, legally able to be tried as an adult. Register as a sex offender, and. Huh, I don’t know whether that’s such a good idea, or not.”
“How so?”
“I can’t control myself, so I guess. Maybe I should just have [Keep Away from Children] tattooed on my forehead, and make it easier on everyone else.”
“Not for you.”
“No, it’s too easy for me all ready.”
“So,” the doctor flipped a sheet back in her lap, “This Aunt Peg is where you got the sex toys, and harness to rape the boys with?”
“Uh!” Of course she knows what Peg means. “Oh, no. I told you I wasn’t raping them, they wanted it. One just got jealous when he found out about the others.” They all knew better than to call it gay.
“Huh!” She sat back, pushed up her glasses, and rubbed her eyes.
“Denial doesn’t change anything.” The rest of the group all said in unison.
“What?”
“Well,” the doctor had to explain it, as if it wasn’t obvious: “Denial doesn’t change anything.” You can lie to everyone else, but lying to yourself doesn’t help anyone.
So, that’s how I started finding out, exactly what was wrong with me. I just didn’t trust them until I got to know them, because I wasn’t comfortable in a room full of bull daggers.
Well, it turns out that I was a bull dagger all along. Just a straight one.
;
Author
She’s just going to start over from the beginning, once she’s comfortable bragging about all her victims to her peers.
As always, “I can go on;” but there’s an issue with Story Codes. I picked “Reluctance,” because even though he didn’t kick and scream, she’s taken advantage of him. She’s also in denial, and honestly ignorant about the power dynamic here, but it is Abuse.
She just doesn’t want to see it that way, but all the Reluctance is on Society’s part. The world conspiring to cock block for kids, because they’re children, and they’re not sexual. If they are, there’s something seriously wrong with one of them.
The difference is that she’s also taken advantage of the narrow window, where girls are Adolescent, and boys the exact same age are still pre-pubertal. Ignorant, and basically have no defenses against being groomed by a budding femdom.
Honestly, it would be abuse if she stopped there, but being a Power Assertive Serial Rapist, and Opportunistic Sex Offender, she’s not capable of stopping there. She’s not a Pedophile, but she targeted little boys, because they’re easier to Assert Power over than Men.
At least until she gets out, with more experience, and self-confidence…
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