Growing up in an orthodox Jewish community, I was a second-class citizen, a mere girl. My role was to learn cooking, sewing, and keeping house for my eventual husband. My social life consisted of Temple activities, an occasional dance, and many family and religious celebrations. In a word, boring.
I attended a public high school, but could not participate in clubs or sports, instead I came home right after school. To entertain myself, I immersed myself in cheap romantic novels and lived life vicariously through the characters. Sex was foreign to me, beyond the passionate kissing and the glossed-over relations as described in the various romance books. I was excused from sex education classes based on my religious beliefs. I had no clue what sex entails.
Romance books were forbidden in our house, so I kept them well hidden. They were my only link to the outside world, shallow as they may be.
One day, while putting boxes in the basement, I discovered a smaller box hidden under the shelving. I opened the box and discovered five magazines, each with a naked lady on the cover. The magazines were wrinkled and two of them were in black and white. One was in a foreign language and had a man and a woman on the cover, naked and entwined.
I stopped to listen for footsteps above me and hurriedly grabbed one of the magazines and hid it with my gown. I put the others back and put the box back under the shelf.
I hurried up the stairs, stashed the magazine with my romance novels under my mattress, and was called down for dinner. All through dinner, I thought about the naked people, and how in one, they were intertwined. I was distracted and my mother knew something was wrong, but I quickly said that I was thinking about a test coming up in school.
That seemed to work, and for the rest of dinner, I was ignored, as usual.
In my room, with the door closed, I began to look at the magazine, which was mostly black and white photos and descriptions in a foreign language. The photos were eye-opening, I had never seen a penis or another girl’s vagina. And I never saw these two physical parts together.
I saw the girl’s lips and tongue slavering over erect penises. I saw girls drinking a milky white liquid, which oozed from the penis. I had questions, lots of questions. And I wanted to see more.
I wondered if this is what happens when, in my romance novels, the hero finally gets the girl.
The next day, I swapped the magazine, this time one in color, and titles in English. Unlike the other magazines, this one looks fresh and unwrinkled. It didn’t occur to me that this may have been a new magazine placed there by whoever hid them. Was it my father, brother, or Uncle, all living under the same roof?
The subtitles on the photos read, “Mandy loves to take Bryan’s hard cock deep in her swollen pussy.”
“Debbie takes Mark’s cock deep in her mouth, savoring each drop of his tasty seed.”
Pussy, Cock, Seed? It didn’t take long to understand what was happening. I just received an advanced lesson in sex education.
That night I dreamed of “sucking a hard cock” and exploring my vagina, aka pussy. Of course, I have touched myself before, but now thinking of a man and his hard cock, I felt waves of pleasure.
It was early in the morning when I was awakened by my brother, wearing his nightgown. He put his finger to his lips, and I sat up. My brother Ben was older and was studying the Torah, he was going to be a Rabbi someday. Yet now he looked nervous and frantic.
Ben, in a low voice, asked, “Did you find a small box hidden in the basement?”
That answered my question, the magazines belong to my brother. You do not lie to your brother, so I admitted that I did find a box.
He said, a bit angry sounding, “Give back the magazine you took, you should not be reading these.”
I got up and reached under the mattress and returned the magazine. Ben saw the romance books and his face changed; he was grinning.
He closed and locked my bedroom door and asked me, “Did I like looking at the pictures?”
I had to admit that I did. He asked me if I ever saw a penis before. No.
He was nervous again, and said, ”Do you want to see mine?”
It was my turn to be nervous, but I did not say no, and he used that delay to slip off his bedroom gown. There it was, my brother’s penis, standing erect like in the photographs. He took my hand and placed it on his shaft and began a stroking motion.
He asked, “Does that feel good sister?”
I nodded and thought of the photos of women stroking their man’s cock. Truth was, I liked how he felt, and began to stroke him on my own.
Then he asked, “Do you want to kiss my cock sister?”
Again, I thought of the photos, cocks pushing into girl’s mouths, and yet they looked happy doing this. I nodded again, too nervous to speak or to say no. Then he guided me out of bed and slipped off my nightgown. I was naked in front of my brother, feeling awkward as he touched my chest, leaning over to kiss my nipples. I closed my eyes, and I felt a new strange sense of pleasure.
He said, softly, “Relax sister, you will love this.”
Then he gently guided me to my knees and pushed my head until his cock was touching my lips.
My mind went blank, and I felt a deeper sense of submission. Not like the submission I felt in the house, being subservient to the men. I felt a willingness to give my body to someone else, to allow my brother to take what he wanted from me. I followed his commands, kissing his cock then licking it all around. His moans were like fuel, I allowed him to slide his cock into my mouth.
I must have nicked him, and he was a patient teacher, teaching me how to take his cock in my mouth. I gagged and he withdrew, and then started to slide his cock back in my mouth. He assured me, with practice, I would not gag.
Practice? So, I will be doing this again with him. I had no opinion on this, I was enjoying this submissive feeling. I saw myself in the romance novel being the prize for the brave prince, and I felt wanted. Perhaps it was the attention that I craved but rarely received.
These thoughts were racing through my mind when I began to taste something, a sweet flavor coming from my brother’s cock. OMG, I saw the photos of the milky white liquid coming from the cock in the photo and the girl’s tongue licking it up. Was this about to happen to me?
His voice was soothing and encouraging, “You can do it, sister, relax and let it happen.”
I felt my brother grip the back of my head, I felt his cock get thicker and his legs tighter and then an explosion occurred in my mouth. I tasted his thick seed; his sperm was in my throat, and I gagged and heard him say again, “You can do it, sister, just relax and swallow.” I tried to relax and swallowed and swallowed again and again.
He withdrew his cock and had me lick and kiss the cockhead while he said, “Good girl, I knew you could do it.” He kissed and caressed my chest once again and then helped me put on my gown.
He left the room quietly and I couldn’t sleep, thinking about what just happened. I could still taste him in my mouth, and feel his hands on my body. I must have nodded off, waking up and wondering if this had all been a dream.
I looked under my mattress and the magazine was gone and later, Ben pulled me aside and told me that this was our secret. He said he didn’t want me to get into any trouble. I assured him, I would not tell and was fearful of what would happen to me if anyone found out.
I went to sleep that night and wished for Ben to come back to my room. It was around the same hour; I felt his hand and knew he was back. This time he lay in the bed with me, and I once again sucked his cock, and this time, I was able to relax.
One night, we heard a noise in the hallway, and from then on, he would guide me to the basement, or wait until the house was empty. Each time, I was excited to see my brother and to hear his praise, saying I was a good girl or a good sister. Oddly, I felt a sense of love and of being wanted.
We were in bed lying naked and I asked him about the photos showing a cock going into a vagina. He often touched me, making my vagina wet. He said that he could not, that I had to remain a virgin, even though he wanted to make love with me. He said that this was how babies were conceived, and he couldn’t risk that happening.
We were incestuous lovers for nearly a year before he moved to Israel to study and become a Rabbi. When I saw him a year later, he acted as if nothing occurred, and perhaps nothing had occurred. Maybe it was all just a fantasy.