How can a woman cope with that which escapes her control?, urges are a difficult thing to fight, and it doesn’t help if you don’t really want to.
Author’s note: the following work is fictional, but based on a true story someone shared with me, let me know what you think, perhaps I can expand it and include the rest of what I was told.
My name is Kirsten and I am a thirty-four years old married woman, and I have something to get out of my chest.
I am a weak woman, I have a certain weakness that, despite my best efforts, just doesn’t seem to go away.
What weakness is that, well…I am weak against the worst specimens from the opposite gender, simply put, I like bad boys, thugs, and low-lives.
That in itself wouldn’t be a problem, were it not because I tend to fail to resist before men other than my husband.
I love my hubby, his name is Samuel, my Sam, I met him back when I was fresh out of high school, in my first real job, he is a nice guy whose attentions and respectful behavior earned my affection, and later, my heart.
Back then, I wasn’t so proud of myself, before I met Sam, I was used to engaging in frequent sexual encounters with many different men.
It began back in junior high, I lost my virginity to a thug whose name I can’t even remember at thirteen and from then on just kept adding notches on my belt, by the time I met my future husband, saying I was experienced would have been a generous euphemism.
But with Sam, it was different, he wasn’t just after my body, and he treated me with respect, he was different from the rest of the men I knew.
I fell in love with him and forced myself to try and be the woman he thought I was.
A respectable woman, a good woman, and I did as much as I could to make that a reality.
I stopped responding to calls from men, stopped going out on weekends, and even began to refuse to meet new men.
And my efforts paid off, my relationship with Sam progressed in the way I hoped it would, and before long, we were already making love to each other.
It was different with him, he was careful and considerate, and the way he looked at me while in my arms was all I ever hoped it would be.
I forced fate’s hand, I knew I was probably being unfair to him, but I was desperate to advance our relationship as fast as possible.
I tricked him into knocking me up.
I told him that I was allergic to latex, which was why I didn’t like condoms, and I lied telling him that my risky days were safe.
Most men don’t keep track of such things, and Sam didn’t, all he did was ask if it was safe, and all I did was lie and tell him those days were safe when they were not.
I remember his face when I told him he was going to be a father.
I was nervous that day, I had no idea how he was going to react, but to my surprise and relief, he was thrilled, he hugged me and lifted me from the ground, he was truly moved to tears.
He knelt on one knee a week later, at a joint family dinner before my parents and his, and I agreed as soon as the words left his mouth.
We married four months later, and by then, my baby bump was already showing.
That is more or less how my married life began, now, sixteen years later, together with him, I have built the life I dreamed about as a young girl, and the family I pictured having.
Three children were born as a product of our love, three perfect daughters that I have made sure love their daddy very much.
In short, I was lucky to have been given a second chance, to have been allowed to know what being someone’s beloved was.
But, as it always happens, to gain something, you have to give something up, and what I gave up was not easy to forget.
I gave up wild sex with strong men.
And don’t get me wrong, Sam is not that bad in bed, but “not that bad” is a far cry from amazing, and I have had amazing before.
And even though I did my best to suppress those pesky urges, to forget that I had them, I failed miserably.
I even think that the kind of men I am most weak against have a sixth sense that allows them to recognize my weakness, and they usually proceed to exploit it.
I managed to hold on for over ten years, but I eventually fell prey to my old bad habits yet again.
And it was like a floodgate, once I opened that door again, I just couldn’t close it back.
And that has been my life for the last few years, trying my damn best to be the wife Sam deserves, while living with the angst of wondering when the next strong, well-endowed brute will come for me.
And they come, believe me, they do.
The worst of them are, naturally, those I cannot run away from, those who are not a one-night thing, and those that are already in our lives one way or another.
The kind of men I cannot resist against, are precisely the kind that wouldn’t spare a woman, no matter what sort of relationship they have with the man who married her, and that is where the main problem lies, I live on tenterhooks, afraid that the next time, Sam might catch me red-handed, that perhaps the next time I will finally succeed at destroying the life I so painstakingly worked hard to have, and all that while feeling like a piece of shit because Sam is still blissfully unaware that the men around us are after his wife’s ass, and most of them have succeeded, and yet, he still has no idea, he still believes he married a good woman.
My Sam deserves a much better woman than me, but I am all he has, and while I have been unable to remain faithful to him, I try my damn hardest to at the very least preserve the bubble of delusions he lives in.
Am I an evil bitch?, most likely, am I going to hell? Most definitely, do I feel guilty? Absolutely, and that guilt that is corroding my conscience is the reason you are reading these lines right now.
This is a little journal about how I spend my days, what pitiful fate befalls me constantly, and the only way I have found so far to give vent to my guilt, may it be as entertaining to you as therapeutic it is for me.
My day usually starts the same way almost every day.
A morning shower and then off to the kitchen to begin cooking breakfast.
My love and my babies show up a little later, still drowsy but mostly with those smiles I like so much.
Then, after everyone is suitably fed, I help them all get ready before they run off to begin their day.
Sam to work and the girls to school.
After they were gone, I decided to go clean for a long while, my man deserves a spotless house, and then I went inside the fridge to decide what was I going to cook for dinner.
I decided that perhaps a visit to the store could probably help me decide, so I hopped in my car and drove there.
Once inside the store, I walked the aisles searching for the idea I needed, I found it in the seafood department.
There was a discount sale on shrimp.
I remembered summer was quickly approaching, and decided that shrimp would be appropriate for the date, so I grabbed enough to cock and store some, and headed back home.
“Summer…” I thought while driving, for most people, summer is great, people wait for it all year, to me, it was the opposite, I dreaded it deeply, because not only do men are most actively seeking women, but also my family was home most of the summer, exponentially elevating the odds of me getting caught, which is the main reason I hate it.
As I was thinking about that, I managed to get myself home, parked, got off the car, and headed inside.
As I was passing by the living room, I couldn’t help but stop for a few seconds before the full-body mirror we have near the main entrance.
I looked at myself, I still look pretty good, but it never hurts to prepare, I walked again while making a mental note to hit the gym more often, to polish my bikini figure.
I arrived at the kitchen and took out a casserole where I planned to boil the shrimp.
It must have been about a minute later since I started the fire when a familiar scent hit my nose, and before I could turn around, a couple of strong arms wrapped themselves around my waist.
“Oh shit,” was my immediate thought, I was too busy setting the casserole to notice the sound of his truck parking, believe it or not, if I had heard, I would have made my best impression of a five-year-old playing hide and seek and would have hidden from him.
Sadly, it wasn’t an option now.
“Jason,” I spoke.
“Yes, doll?” His deep voice replied.
“Do you mind? I’m cooking,” I knew it was useless, but nevertheless I owed it to Sam to at the very least put up a fight.
“I can see that, doll,” he replied, “but I think you could probably use a hand,”
“I can manage with just the two I have since birth, Jason and I….oh God…I don’t think yours have any interest in helping me to finish cooking…ah…dinner…” I had trouble even trying to turn him away because his hands weren’t idle as I did that, his right hand was already inside the V-neck, white long-sleeved blouse I had on, playing with my right boob, while the left one and I happen to know Jason is a lefty, traveled beneath the yellow suede miniskirt I was wearing.
“Jason…ah…please…I need to cook dinner…” I wanted to hold on and resist his big hands as they explored my body, but it was a fool’s errand, Jason is too good at making me yield to allow me any glimmer of hope.
“This kitchen smells delicious,” his voice softly whispered in my ear.
“The casserole only has water in it, and it isn’t even boiling yet, the shrimp are still defrosting, so stop your nonsense at once, and let me go,” I tried to act though as a last-ditch effort.
“First of all, my hands can feel quite distinctively how much you are enjoying it, and I happen to believe your pussy much more than I do your tongue, and second of all, who said that I was talking about the shrimp?, there is a delicacy inside this kitchen, and I will devour it right now,” his warm breath blew on my neck and shoulder, just before his face receded from the side of mine.
“No, please no, Jason, not that…” I thought to myself.
As usual, my pleas, both the ones I intoned and the ones I didn’t, went equally ignored, sometimes I even think I just shouldn’t bother, but as I said, I owe Sam at the very least that.
Now, however, there was a tall, grey-haired man traveling downwards over my back, and I could feel a chill coursing through it as he did.
Jason knows me well, he knows my every weak spot, he knows just the way I enjoy being subdued the most, and he is precisely about to do just that.
I could feel his warm breath as he descended until I finally felt it on my ass, then, his hands got to work, the right one grabbed me by my belly and yanked me backward, while the left one was placed in the middle of my back, pushing it forward.
In such a fashion, he made me bend forward, so while positioning me where he wanted.
Instants later, I felt how he lifted my skirt and his tongue slipping beneath my underwear.
“Oh my gosh, Jason, why can’t you just…leave me alone?” I complained.
“Because I’m not stupid,” he replied briefly before resuming hostilities.
My trembling hand barely was able to turn the fire off, shrimp was not gonna be tonight’s main dish.
“Oh…shit…Jason…no…please…ah…” my resistance had already plummeted, and a few weak protests were all that was left of it.
“I’m sorry, honey, I tried,” was the only coherent thought I could muster.
Jason is a seasoned man, with ample experience, and he knows just how to get what he wants from me, which is why I avoid him like the plague because that is about the only way I can defend myself from him.
The slurping sound coming from between my legs was as intoxicating as the feeling his tongue was providing to my flower bud.
“Absolutely the tastiest married pussy in this whole town,” he declared with a tinge of mockery in his voice.
The old bastard knows I love when men talk dirty to me, it makes me shiver to hear them speak obscenities to me, and that in turn stimulated my submissiveness.
“If you eat it out too often, it is bound to taste bland to you at some point,” I remarked.
“Never! If it wasn’t for Sam and the girls I’d eat it all day every day, and every day I would find it exquisite,” he declared.
I knew he meant it, he would definitely do that, his libido is that of a teenager, even though his body and mind are not.
He kept eating me for a few more minutes until the inevitable happened, my body tensed up as a powerful shiver ran down my spine, and the old familiar sensation of my orgasm was approaching.
About five minutes was all the time it took for Jason to break past my resistance, using my orgasm as a wrecking ball.
“Nothing like a serving of married pussy’s love nectar as an appetizer,” he chuckled, as he licked his lips.
“Jason, please, spare me, just this once, I beg you,” I weakly pleaded, hoping for a miracle.
But in my experience, cheating bitches don’t get their wishes granted too often, and this time was no different.
“I’m sorry gorgeous, but that’s impossible, the best I can do for you is pay for some nice dinner for your family,” he declared as he stood up and began to undo his pants.
“It better be from someplace expensive,” I sighed in resignation, this was as good an offer as I was going to get.
“Of course, your husband will have the best dinner money can buy in this town,” he declared, while his huge cock sprung from inside his underwear, “after all, it is the least I can do for him since I’m about to fuck the shit out of his bitch,” he fiendishly grinned.
I felt his big cock land on my ass, it felt heavy and warm, and just from that, my pussy was already dripping juices once again.
I was still holding on to the edge of the kitchen counter, awaiting the inevitable dicking I was about to receive.
About ten more seconds was all the time I was granted to prepare, then I felt the head of his cock sliding inside.
“Oh, God,” I uttered as I felt his big meat stick invading me.
“It will never cease to amaze me, how is it that a cheating bitch like you, who has taken truckloads of dicks can still possess a pussy as right as this,” he “complimented,” my pussy.
“No thanks to men like you, that’s for sure,” I protested.
“You must be doing Kegels every night like possessed, so Sam doesn’t find out just how vastly used this pussy has been, right?” He mocked me.
“Just shut up and get this over with,” I growled.
“You say it like you don’t enjoy having my dick buried balls deep inside you,” he laughed “don’t worry, I know just what a horny little bitch you really are, so it’s useless to keep pretending, here, a little proof,” he said while ramming my pussy fiercely.
“Ah..” A weak moan escaped my lips.
“See? that is how a cheating married bitch in heat sounds like,” he smugly declared.
I so wish vile men with horse-sized cocks who love humiliating me didn’t know how much I enjoy their abuse, but I guess it is written in my face how much I enjoy being subjugated by their hard cocks for me to even try to hide it.
What followed was my complete capitulation, I finally surrendered completely before the huge-cock male that was domesticating my body as he has done countless times before.
The sound of my ass furiously hitting his pelvis was so loud and erotic that I came while hearing it.
But he hadn’t yet, and I wasn’t going anywhere until he released me, and he wasn’t going to do that until he was satisfied.
I did my best to clench my pussy, doing my best to match the timing of his thrust.
“Honey, I miss you, please come back soon, I need a hug from you,” I was trying to picture Sam’s face, I wanted to at least be faithful in my heart, at least that was still all his.
But like I said, scumbags seem to have superpowers, and Jason seemed to have read my mind.
“I wonder what would your hubby Sam think if he saw you right now,” he smirked.
“take his name out of your mouth, he doesn’t deserve for his good name to be in a mouth as filthy as yours,” I roared.
“He also doesn’t deserve a cheating bitch for a wife, but that is precisely what he’s got,” he was merciless in his taunting, he knows I don’t do this because I want to, but because I can’t help it, and he still chooses to hurt my feelings by pointing out my shortcomings.
“I hate you,” was all I answered.
“But you love my cock, and that’s what kills you, you filthy sow,” he has the talent of knowing just what words will hurt me the most.
“I’m getting close, Kirsten,” he announced, “you better be ready for a hot creampie,”
“No!, Jason, anything but that, you can shoot it wherever else you want, my face, my mouth my tits, but not inside!” I begged him.
“What’s with all the fuss, it’s not like I haven’t done that before,” he frowned.
I kept silent, and my already flushed face turned even redder, I wanted to avoid telling him at all costs that I was off the pill because I had big plans.
But once more, his villain superpowers activated.
“it isn’t safe huh?” My worst fear was materializing, he figured out what I wanted to hide from him the most.
“Jason, I’m begging you, Sam said he wanted to try again because he still wants a boy, and I was planning to surprise him, please, don’t ruin this for us,” I babbled desperately.
“He’s had three chances and failed every time, perhaps I can help him out, and give you both the boy you want,” he declared.
I knew that appealing to his good nature was useless, he simply had none to speak of.
“I’m so glad you haven’t been ligated yet, I always thought it would be wonderful if I could knock you up, it seems fortune is in my favor today,” he laughed.
“Jason, please!” I was struggling to get him off me, but he wasn’t about to allow that.
“Stay still, sow, and just enjoy getting conquered by a worthy man for a change,” he growled as he pulled my arms to my back, then he crossed one of his arms under them both, he was more than strong enough to restrain both of my arms using only one of his.
Then his other hand wrapped around my neck, and I felt his hand squeezing tightly, warning me that all resistance was futile.
“Here you go, whore, you better get good damned pregnant!” He roared.
In that instant, I hated myself so, so much, because my body refused to obey me, and instead obeyed him, every part of it wanted him to succeed, and the image of Jason crossed my mind fleetingly before the mighty orgasm that was forced upon me rushed to my head, washing away any conscious thought along with his image.
“I’m so sorry, honey, it was supposed to be your surprise, but I think he just successfully stole what was supposed to be yours” I lamented inwardly as I felt his scalding hot cum getting poured inside my womb.
What was supposed to be the quiet evening before Sam and I tried for a boy, got completely hijacked by Jason, who quickly dominated me into giving up to him the ovum I had prepared as a surprise for Sam.
Why did I have to turn into such a mess of a woman?, what was the crime I committed to suffer such punishment?, why can’t I catch a break? these and many more such questions rolled around in my head while Jason was inseminating me.
He kept pumping into me for a good minute after he ejaculated, he wanted to make sure every drop found its intended target.
“I wonder if Sam will notice if this child ends up looking like me,” he grinned.
“He won’t notice, since he also looks like you,” I pointed out.
He smiled and said nothing more.
He retracted his dick from inside my pussy, and unwrapped his arm from both of mine and my legs finally gave out, making me crumble on the kitchen floor.
It was done, I was done for, but that wouldn’t have been enough for Jason, not by a long shot.
“Your work isn’t finished, bitch, come and suck me clean,” he ordered.
I was barely conscious, and my mind couldn’t help but obey the command I was given.
I obediently applied my lips to the tip of the cock that just subdued me, like admitting my defeat.
“Don’t forget the balls, gorgeous, your juices drenched them all over as well,” he kept issuing his commands.
And once more I dutifully complied and did as he ordered, sucking on his ballsack,
“Listen to me very carefully Kirsten, the child you are having next is gonna be one of mine, you are not allowed to even think it won’t be that way, and you better forget about plan-b pills and such shit, now that I know you’re still fertile, I think I can give you as many babies as Sam did, maybe even one more than he did, just to make sure you remember who the better man is between us two,” he decreed.
I did my best to glare daggers at him, to let him know I wasn’t his to do whatever he commanded.
But I suppose he wasn’t impressed in the slightest, perhaps if I didn’t have his nuts inside my mouth as I glared at him, I would have been more convincing.
“Remember it, Kirsten, your best hope for a boy is the pair of balls you’re sucking on right now,” he reaffirmed his previous statement.
I kept silently working his nuts, there was not a thing I could have said, I was on my knees polishing the nuts of the man that just emptied them inside my pussy, with every intention to seize Jason’s property for himself.
Of course, my ordeal wasn’t over yet, there were still three hours left before Sam and the kids came home, and Jason knew that as well, so he used about two of them to fuck me as many times as he could, which weren’t few.
At the very least, he made good on his promise and bought a magnificent dinner for the whole family, and I did my best to order the most expensive items on the menu, I wanted him to feel the sting, to at least have that little revenge, but even that he denied me, he didn’t even bat an eyelid and paid with a smile on his face.
The girls and Jason returned about ten minutes after the food arrived, visibly surprised by the feast waiting for them.
Then, the girls noticed the man sitting next to me at the table.
Their eyes glowed with endearment as they yelled in unison:
“Grandpa!” And both rushed to hug him.
Yeah…I forgot to mention that, sorry, the reason Jason can come uninvited and enter unannounced is because he is family as well, he is Sam’s father.
“Shocker, right?” from all the men that fuck me who could have found out I was trying for a baby, it was Sam’s dad the one who discovered this fact.
“I didn’t know you were coming over, dad,” Sam remarked.
“Well…I was bored, so I decided to come and have dinner with my granddaughters, what’s wrong with that?” He queried.
“Nothing, dad, never mind,” Sam quickly dismissed his question and sat down.
“This all looks magnificent, dad, what are we celebrating,?” Sam asked.
“Family, boy, family,” Jason grinned.
“Alright,” was all Sam said before he picked up the cutlery.
“Babe, do we have any olive oil for the salad?” Sam requested me.
“Sure dear, I’ll go get it,” I moved to the shelf next to the fridge to get the olive oil, and when I turned around and suddenly when I looked down, my face paled instantly.
I still moved towards him and handed him the oil.
“Is everything alright, babe?” He inquired, he noticed my hand trembling as he received the oil.
“Yes, dear, just a little tired, that’s all,” I spoke, doing my best to not let anything show on my face.
“Don’t worry, kid, with your old man around, nothing can go wrong here,” he said as his hand moved towards my back.
“Whatever you say, dad,” Sam ignored him and kept eating his lofty meal, just like the kids were doing.
I breathed a sigh of relief, I managed to pull that one off.
And I was glad Sam was his usual oblivious self, else he might have noticed that his father’s hand was in my lower back, way lower, squeezing one of my asscheeks, or perhaps he would have noticed the trail of whitish liquid on the floor that stretched all the way to the fridge.
I said it before and I’ll say it again.
I am a terrible, horrible, weak woman, and for that, I am incredibly sorry.
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