My boyfriend and I have been together since I was 14 and I love him but sometimes he does something bad to me and I really need advice
Hi!! I’m not sure how to word this or who to tell but I want advice. My boyfriend is a few years older than me and we have been together since I was 14. He was my first and he takes great care of me, especially in bed. He’s very gentle and sweet, always tells me he loves me and recently on my 17 birthday we moved into an apartment together. It has been a dream come true, we do everything together and it has truly brought us closer. My boyfriend is 21 now and he started to drink.. Not often but maybe once a week? And when he drinks he gets hammered and then he passes out in our bed in just his shorts. Not a big deal though, I just climb in bed with him later on and fall asleep beside him.
The first time it happened was a a few weeks ago, I woke up with his body pressed against my back and he was breathing heavily, almost panting. I was still a pretty small girl and he was definitely big enough to keep me pinned and unable to move. My face was shoved in the pillow and I could feel him pulling on my pajamas in a way he never had before, pulling my bottoms down past my butt and with absolutely no preperation at all, and no condom for the first time since we met, shoved his entire dick inside of me.. I cried out into the pillow but I couldn’t fight back as he started to hump me aggressively, fucking me so much rougher than I had ever experienced before. He was still panting and groaning, grunting near my ear for what felt like a half hour before he slammed his hips into mine, finishing inside of me and collapsing on my back. It was unlike anything I had experienced, the feeling of his hot cum leaking inside of me, filling me to the brim and being held in place by his heavy body still on top of me..
A few minutes went by of his heavy breathing and I was crying into my pillow when I realized he was lightly snoring. He had passed out again but this time on my back, with his dick buried inside me. The sad part is it kind of felt like he was cuddling me, holding me even, and I ended up falling asleep with my cheek pressed against the tear stained pillow.
The next morning when I woke up to his work alarm I was laying on his chest, my pajamas were on properly, and his shorts were back on. It just looked like a normal morning, he was still asleep and looked completely unbothered, until he heard the alarm and woke up swiftly. He smiled when he saw me awake, turning off the alarm and leaning in to kiss my head, acting completely normal. I stared at him for a second in shock, leaning into his gentle touches and sweet words. He asked me how I slept and told me I looked beauitful as he did every morning before getting up for work.. I just stayed in bed, wondering if I had dreamt the entire thing.
Until it happened again, the following weekend when my boyfriend got drunk and passed out. This time when I woke up he was alreasy inside of me, once again my entire body pinned to the bed underneath him. I didn’t fight back this time, I just wanted it to be over, even though it hurt so bad and was nothing like the romantic sex I was used to. Once again he finished inside, followed by almost immediately passing out. I cried less this time and went to sleep with him, waking up absolutely normal once again.
I get so anxious whenever I see that he bought alcohol and we have started to argue a little bit over it because he acts like he genuinely doesn’t remember raping me and thinks I am just nagging him for having a drinking problem or something. I love him and I need him so I am scared if I push him he will leave me so I stopped arguing about it.
Has anyone else experienced this? My boyfriend is so loving and sweet he would never hurt me on purpose. Is this rape? Please comment and let me know your thoughts
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