Watching Big Brother

Well, he was supposed to watch me, but he was always about 4 years older. So, he got a girlfriend, and made out with her, while I watched…

I guess it all started when I was too young to remember, but I wandered away from school. I didn’t know how to get home, I got lost. Mom, and dad were worried, and finally, I found my school again.

It was after dark, but there were still people there. Cleaning up mostly, and somebody got in the office to look my name up, call my parents to pick me up. I know, it would be more interesting if I met a stranger, got in the car, molested, smothered, and dumped under a bridge. Which is no doubt what my mom, and dad were worried happened, but I got home safely.

So, that’s why Jarome got stuck with me, and started walking me home from school. It wasn’t far, but I started waiting for him, and doing my home-work while he walked over from the Jr. high to come get me. No big deal for me, but a pretty big deal for him, when he just wanted to hang out with his friends, no doubt.

Boys, mostly. At least until high school, when he go a girlfriend, and I don’t remember her name. She even told me, “Your brother’s a great kisser.” When she parked (She picked me up, in her car, or her parents’,) and told me to get out. Find something to do, so they could have the back seat to make out.

I couldn’t really find anything to do, there wasn’t anyone to play with, and yeah there was a nice view, but once I found our house, there wasn’t a whole lot else I really wanted to look at. Up at an overlook, in the foothills. On the way to the ski valley, but it wasn’t winter, and besides that, it was a long drive to get there.

So, I went back to the car, and by then, she already had her bra unhooked. I don’t know, I was still in 6 grade, and wearing a training bra, but he had his hands up her top, and a lot more to play with than me. I just remember her bra being loose, and getting pushed up under her top, so he could play with her breasts.

Then, she got out, fixed her bra, and got in. I got in with Jarome, in back, and he had a boner all the way back to town. She dropped him off, kissed him goodbye over the back seat, and he practically ran back to his room to take care of his blue balls in private.

That got me thinking about boys, and playing around in my training bra, but I didn’t have anyone to kiss. So, I kissed my stuffed Koala’s nose instead. This went on for quite some time, where she’d pick me up from school, drive somewhere to park, make out, and eventually move along from heavy petting to dry humping, hand jobs, and blowjobs until they broke up.

Jarome didn’t want to talk about it, she broke his heart. So, I don’t know why she left him, but he moped around for a while, and got over it. Then, he got a car, and started picking me up himself. It was my dad’s old station wagon, because he got a new car. A convertible, with 2 doors, and a back seat that mom complained about being too small.

I guess it was a midlife crisis car, we still had the station wagon for picking up groceries, but the coupe was more for fun, than practical. Mom, and dad would take it for a drive, and come back, with mom’s hair wrecked, and a sore neck. Even when the weather wasn’t nice enough to have the top down.

I had some idea what they were doing in the back seat, to mess her hair up, and make her neck hurt, because it really was too small for both of them to lay down in, but they kept doing it anyway. So, not long after that, mom got pregnant and told me she was going to have a baby, Courtenay was 12 years younger than me, so I was old enough to learn everything from mom.

Like how she got pregnant, she even said it was “So romantic,” because dad drove all the way up to the ski lodge, which was closed. The leaves were changing, though, and since it was closed, they pretty much had the ski run to themselves. As much as she complained about the back seat, she loved that little convertible, and going for rides.

She just hated fucking in the back, especially with the top up, because there wasn’t much head room with her on his lap. So they started making love on the ski slopes until it started snowing, and they opened up for ski season. It was her favorite spot, because it was so romantic. There’s just no telling which time she got pregnant, but it was her mid-life crisis car too.

One last chance, to have one last child, before she got too old. That got the image of dad with a boner, and mom naked on his lap, which wasn’t particularly pleasant. I mean, I love them and all, but they’re old, dad let himself go, and mom had 3 kids, so she wasn’t in fantastic shape. Not to mention they were my parents, and you’d have to be a sicko to really enjoy the idea of them bumping uglies.

Then, Jarome started picking me up from school (Middle school by then) with this new friend of his, Kyle. Kyle was a real piece of work, 14, so he couldn’t get hired, but he liked to go over to his dad’s store, and watch the register for him. While we waited, Jarome was basically playing taxi service for him, but Kyle’s dad would call his girlfriends to “Help with something in the back.”

Yeah, well it was always a different woman he called every time, he usually got their names wrong, and none of them were Kyle’s mom. They dressed like whores, because that’s what they were. It didn’t take long to figure that out, but the real reason why my brother put up with Kyle’s bullshit is he let him buy stuff.

Like cigarettes, guess who got him smoking in the first place, and dirty magazines from behind the counter. Dad likes big tits, and butts, but he had mom’s to play with. So he didn’t buy Juggs to hide under his mattress, which is what I hear most dads did. Jarome didn’t have a girlfriend, because his first one told every girl in school, every nasty thing she could think of, instead of he was a good kisser.

So, he got a collection of the usual late 70s, and early 80s Playboys, Penthouses, and harder core stuff when he turned 18, so he could shop at the trucker store. That was up on the mountain pass, not the ski-basin, but in the same general direction. I couldn’t go in there, but he told me they had all kinds of stuff, not just dirty magazines.

Like a movie theater, where you could watch an X rated movie. All by yourself, because they only had 1 seat, and a TV screen in the wall. Sex toys, some fetishwear like crotchless panties, and bras with holes for your nipples to stick out.

Well, he didn’t tell me, he told his friends. Most of which were too young to go all the way up there, or didn’t have cars to drive, because it was a long way. I guess they could have hitched rides all the way up and back, but they were still too young to get let in, and they ran the risk of being picked up by the wrong driver.

Homosexuals, at least I heard they liked to go there to have sex with other men. These were horror stories, for boys at the time, but I could get the keys to the station wagon. I knew where he kept his stash, under the seats in the way back, which where probably unsanitary. Instead of a spare tire, it had these 2 seats that folded down for groceries.

Or, they folded up on the sides, to reveal the floor covered in all kinds of contraband. That’s how Jarome made some extra money, he picked up boys, and drove them off. To rent spank mags, and use them in the way back. So, the pages got stuck together from handling them with sticky fingers, but Jarome could always go get more.

I blame Kyle, and his dad for all this. My parents warned him about older boys, that might peer pressure him into trying things like shoplifting, smoking, and get him arrested for, crimes. I don’t know, probably vandalism, breaking and entering kinda stuff, but Kyle was 2 years younger, and his dad pulled money out of the register, to pay hookers in the back, while we watched the register.

So, we didn’t get caught, nobody stole anything. His dad would know the difference when he counted up the drawer, or did the inventory, to find out there was a suspicious number of dirty magazines missing from the rack. Behind the register, so it had to be his son, or somebody he left back there, instead of selling them to other boys, under age.

That was a bad influence on Jarome, so he was a bad influence on younger boys, and they, well. They became a bad influence on me. I could have walked off on my own, or probably gotten rides, even a boyfriend, but the porno mags opened up whole new worlds of kinks, and it was exciting.

I was 14, a freshman, and I even got customers for Jarome after he dropped out. Got his own place, and started working full time, smuggling porn (And also cigarettes) for underage teen boys. So, I started hanging out, after school to see my brother, and they boys hung out, waiting for him to show up.

I knew what normal sex was like. Mom, and dad going on romantic drives to try and cram it all in, in the back seat. It was “So romantic,” and boring. Jarome had all kinds of porn, hardcore, with bush, and hardons. Money shots, and real live semen smudges from putting them back with sticky fingers. If they didn’t swipe their favorite, when Jarome had his eyes on the road.

He could always get more. Nothing gay, but of course, there were plenty of girls playing bisexual, or bi-curious. That was okay, and so was group sex with a whole bunch of men at once, as long as the swords didn’t get crossed, and they didn’t look at each other’s butts.

That’s how I decided what I wanted to be when I grew up. In a word, a slut, and I dressed for success, underneath my school clothes. It didn’t take long to figure out that my old clothes were too tight, and skimpy when I outgrew them. So, rather than throw those away, or donate them to Goodwill, I kept the best looking ones to wear under my school clothes. Those kept me modest, so nobody could see how sexy I was dressed underneath, but I knew.

I could feel the short shorts, pulled tight over my butt, and my crotch. Crop tops tight over my bra, and with a good girl dress over them, they were hot, but I liked that too. You know, they made me feel Hot, literally, and figuratively speaking. My grades took a dive, because I couldn’t concentrate on class work, and my head was full of new stuff I discovered, when Jarome started getting requests for the real hard stuff.

It was a little scary at first, because the men wore serial killer masks. They shopped at the same places as Zodiac, and BTK. Machine from 8mm?

“What’d you expect? A monster? You know the best part of killing someone? The look on their face. It’s that look. Not when they’re threatened. Not when you hurt them. Not even when they see the knife. It’s when they feel the knife go in. That’s it, it’s surprise. They just can’t believe it’s really happening to them. She had that look, the girl, when she knew it wasn’t just porno.

I wasn’t beaten. I wasn’t molested. Mommy didn’t abuse me. Daddy never raped me. I’m only what I am, and that’s all there is to it! There’s no mystery. Things I do, I do them because I like them! Because I want to!”

That movie hadn’t come out yet, but I knew that I was taking a big risk. Looking at the S&M magazines, like [Some Like it Rough] That was the name, of the magazine. Some like it in teeny tiny letters, and ROUGH across the top, in red. Men in monster masks, with whips, dripping candles, and even canes. Women in leather, and chains. Stocks, getting tortured with belts around their necks, to choke them. Something to hold onto, instead of pulling their hair, or even pulling her hair at the same time, behind them. Really giving it to them, rough. I know it was rough because it said ROUGH! across the top in big red letters.

Yeah, it was terrifying, and exciting at the same time. I was confused, mostly about the girls. Even before I saw 8mm, I knew what the men got out of it. They got to do this, these horrible things, and wore masks so they could get away with it. I knew bad boys, of course. My brother knew them, too. That was the problem, I didn’t even realize why they talked to me, so nice, but they never even tried to kiss me.

Because my brother told them, he wouldn’t kill them. He’d cut their dick, and balls off, then leave them alive, to kill themselves, or just spend the rest of their lives sitting down to piss, like a girl.

I was a little scared of them, what they would do if they got me alone, but I guess they never did, because there was always other boys around. Maybe if they started to rape me, the other boys might see their asses, and try to rape them. I don’t know, that was just one scenario I dreamed up, and masturbated furiously to, but the truth was they were Terrified of my brother, so they never made a move on me.

Yeah, he was a bad influence, but he was also my brother. He looked out for me, even after he was gone, and the only time I got to see him was waiting after school with the boys. He didn’t even want me smoking, let alone realizing my dream of being a slut when I grew up, but he still protected me. Even from myself, but those Some Like It ROUGH magazines helped in their own sick way.

They showed me, what could happen, if I didn’t meet bad boys, but evil men. Killers, I assumed they found ways to get rid of those girls’ bodies, after they were done being punished for being sluts. Bitches, and whores, in church they told you that your punishment would be to go to hell. Burn in a lake of fire, forever, but you pretty much had to use your imagination for the rest.

I didn’t, some guys used their imaginations, and took pictures to show me. To me, hell was a real place, and they even dressed up as monsters to act it out. Deep down, a part of me knew they were acting, you saw the same girls over, and over, they even got older, or work done so the next time they had big tits, with scars under them.

I still knew that it could happen, for real. That there was a real BTK out there, and they never caught him. (Well, not yet.) That, and my brother protecting me, is all that held me back.

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